I knew before I even got off my street this morning that today wasn’t going to be a good day.
It’s been abnormally warm in Chicago. I’m talking 100º when the highest it should be is in the 90s. I don’t mind it really, because it allows me to wear cute dresses to work instead of pants.
This morning I had the dress I wanted to wear all picked out and had washed and dried it the night before. Because it is a stretch material that can be slightly clingy, I probably should have allowed it to air dry instead of putting it in the dryer, but that’s neither here nor there.
Because I have yet to buy Spanx, although they are now on the top of my list, I wore smooth undergarments that aren’t supposed to show lines under this slightly clingy dress. Lines hidden and ready to face the world, I walk outside to my car.
I soon remembered that I needed a hair-tie in case I had to put my hair up because of the heat. I yelled to Jason who is posing in the window ready to wave to me as I drive by. We meet at the door and I turn and walk to my car and then heard Jason.
Jason: Umm, you might want to change because I can see everything you have on under your dress when the sun hits it.
Me: Seriously? Oh my God. Well, I don’t care. I won’t be in the sun anyway, I’ll be inside the office.
I climb back in my car and before I could drive away I heard Jason again.
Jason: The lights in the office may show all of it.
I brake, thinking for once he has a good point.
Me: Fine, will you go grab the ones I had on earlier?
I looked down at the clock, see I am eight minutes late and start to get anxious. Jason comes out of the house with my alternate pair on his head smiling and giggling.
Me: HA F’n HA. Give ’em to me. I will just have to “switch out” on my way to work.
Traffic was actually good and I didn’t even have to stop at any of the red lights until I was about five minutes from work.
At the stop light I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a police car.
Me: Oh, crap I haven’t switched out my license plate sticker yet.
It expired June 30th. I bought a new sticker Saturday but just hadn’t put it on yet. I decided to not think about that since I had better things to do and continued with my makeup application.
I also decided it was a good time to do my “switch out” from the revealing pair to the ones Jason had on his head. I hiked my skirt and start the process…
Just as I am almost done, the light turned to that familiar green arrow so I turned like I was supposed to and started driving. I looked up to make sure I was getting across the intersection quick enough for the car behind me and I see flashing lights.
I didn’t even make it completely through the intersection but had to drive a little further to pull into the bowling alley parking lot.
I grab around my ankles to reach the unmentionables that I was trying to switch out a minute ago and realized my skirt was still pretty hiked up when I heard a male voice.
Officer: Well, good morning sunshine.
SH!T! I’m so glad I have sunglasses on right now.
Me: Well, hello.
I reached for my purse and moved it over the top of my lap, hoping to cover up anything that might be showing. I fumble for my driver’s license and hand it over.
Officer: This is really nothing, but I have to stop you. Your license plate is expired.
Me: Yea, I know. I actually got my sticker on Saturday, I just didn’t have a chance to put it on.
I was SO hoping he doesn’t notice that’s not the only thing I hadn’t put on.
Me: If you have time, you can put it on for me. (Crap, I hope he knows I meant the sticker!)
Officer: Ha! Well, I would usually give a warning but since you have the sticker and it’s what $100 for the sticker, $150 ticket, I’ll just let it go. Make sure you put that on and have a good day.
Me: Thanks so much! (I sure hope he meant the sticker.)
Once I saw him get back in his car, I yank my “troublemakers” from my ankles, throw them in my bag, pull down my skirt and hang my head in shame.
As I pull out of the parking lot, I spot him in the line of traffic going the opposite way and he smiles and waves to me. I smile and wave back as if he just caught me doing something illegal.
Moral of the story: make sure you prepare for more than just where the sun don’t shine.