New Meaning to “I Got My Panties in a Bunch”

I knew before I even got off my street this morning that today wasn’t going to be a good day.

It’s been abnormally warm in Chicago. I’m talking 100º when the highest it should be is in the 90s. I don’t mind it really, because it allows me to wear cute dresses to work instead of pants.

This morning I had the dress I wanted to wear all picked out and had washed and dried it the night before. Because it is a stretch material that can be slightly clingy, I probably should have allowed it to air dry instead of putting it in the dryer, but that’s neither here nor there.

Because I have yet to buy Spanx, although they are now on the top of my list, I wore smooth undergarments that aren’t supposed to show lines under this slightly clingy dress. Lines hidden and ready to face the world, I walk outside to my car.

I soon remembered that I needed a hair-tie in case I had to put my hair up because of the heat. I yelled to Jason who is posing in the window ready to wave to me as I drive by. We meet at the door and I turn and walk to my car and then heard Jason.

Jason: Umm, you might want to change because I can see everything you have on under your dress when the sun hits it.

Me: Seriously? Oh my God. Well, I don’t care. I won’t be in the sun anyway, I’ll be inside the office.

I climb back in my car and before I could drive away I heard Jason again.

Jason: The lights in the office may show all of it.

I brake, thinking for once he has a good point.

Me: Fine, will you go grab the ones I had on earlier?

How Jason walked outside. (Jason: How is that NOT funny?)

I looked down at the clock, see I am eight minutes late and start to get anxious. Jason comes out of the house with my alternate pair on his head smiling and giggling.

Me: HA F’n HA.  Give ’em to me. I will just have to “switch out” on my way to work.

Traffic was actually good and I didn’t even have to stop at any of the red lights until I was about five minutes from work.

At the stop light I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a police car.

Me: Oh, crap I haven’t switched out my license plate sticker yet.

It expired June 30th. I bought a new sticker Saturday but just hadn’t put it on yet. I decided to not think about that since I had better things to do and continued with my makeup application.

I also decided it was a good time to do my “switch out” from the revealing pair to the ones Jason had on his head. I hiked my skirt and start the process…

Just as I am almost done, the light turned to that familiar green arrow so I turned like I was supposed to and started driving. I looked up to make sure I was getting across the intersection quick enough for the car behind me and I see flashing lights.

I didn’t even make it completely through the intersection but had to drive a little further to pull into the bowling alley parking lot.

Is there a problem officer?

I grab around my ankles to reach the unmentionables that I was trying to switch out a minute ago and realized my skirt was still pretty hiked up when I heard a male voice.

Officer: Well, good morning sunshine.

SH!T!  I’m so glad I have sunglasses on right now.

Me: Well, hello.

I reached for my purse and moved it over the top of my lap, hoping to cover up anything that might be showing. I fumble for my driver’s license and hand it over.

Officer: This is really nothing, but I have to stop you. Your license plate is expired.
Me: Yea, I know. I actually got my sticker on Saturday, I just didn’t have a chance to put it on.

I was SO hoping he doesn’t notice that’s not the only thing I hadn’t put on.

Me: If you have time, you can put it on for me. (Crap, I hope he knows I meant the sticker!)
Officer: Ha! Well, I would usually give a warning but since you have the sticker and it’s what $100 for the sticker, $150 ticket, I’ll just let it go.  Make sure you put that on and have a good day.
Me: Thanks so much! (I sure hope he meant the sticker.)

Once I saw him get back in his car, I yank my “troublemakers” from my ankles, throw them in my bag, pull down my skirt and hang my head in shame.

As I pull out of the parking lot, I spot him in the line of traffic going the opposite way and he smiles and waves to me.  I smile and wave back as if he just caught me doing something illegal.

Moral of the story: make sure you prepare for more than just where the sun don’t shine.

Gallery | This entry was posted in Daily Life, Tammy's Tirades and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to New Meaning to “I Got My Panties in a Bunch”

  1. That would have turned out so much worse if I had been the one driving!

  2. CaptKitty says:

    Don’t bother with spanx. It doesn’t work.

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