Travel Log 2011: Day 4

Monday, July 4, 2011

I could tell today had fun written all over it when I realized what Daniel was doing to Tammy’s laptop. I chuckled and said she’ll love it then waited for Tammy to come out of the bedroom.

She passed it a couple of times but there was no mistaking when she finally realized that her beloved Peyton Manning desktop had been replaced with none other than Tom Brady. She stopped in her tracks and I saw her jaw clinch as she and Tom made eye contact. Daniel started laughing and I said, “Prraaannkkk.” But I was quick to tell her this was Daniel’s work so I wouldn’t wake up with an eyebrow missing. Yeah, she would.

You Do NOT Need to be Doing THAT

As everyone was just getting moving, I took the opportunity to run up the road to buy a couple of tubes so Daniel and I could float out in the water.

I hadn’t even made it out of the parking lot when I saw a shirtless man stretching his leg up on a pole. Let me rephrase that, I saw a 300+ pound shirtless, sweaty man stretching….  Not a pretty picture to start the morning and if I hadn’t fighting back the urge to puke I would have tried to take a picture.

Tubing 2011

I got back and we hit the beach with all of our gear in tow. Tammy and Dana found their spots near the water while the girls played in the sand. Daniel and I were ready to relive our “tubing days” of the early-to-mid-90s, minus the trying to be violently thrown off the tubes that was being whipped into waves and slung from side to side by a boat. Nope, this was the newer, wiser version of tubing and we loved every second of it.


Daniel and Jason, Tubing 2011 style

I prolly loved it more than Daniel since his tube got a hole in the side that he had to blow up every 30-45 minutes.

You Have What? Where?

We stayed at the beach for several hours before heading over to one of the pools for the rest of the day. Everyone jumped in right away while I found a spot in one of the chairs that shaded my head and shoulders.

Tammy got out and sat in the chair next to me while the Butler’s continued splashing around in the pool.

I noticed a look on Tammy’s face that I knew meant a moment for my “notes” was coming.

Tammy: That guy over there has both of his nipples pierced.
Me: What’s wrong with that?
Tammy: Have you seen him? He’s at least 50 and is covered with hair.

When I finally turned to look over at him I realized why she had that disgusted look on her face. The hair that covered his body could have been used to knit a sweater for a few of orphans, then I noticed the two silver studs sticking through each nipple.

I then struggled to create a situation where he would have thought that it was a good idea to get those done but couldn’t really think of anything. Even if it had been a good idea at the time, I couldn’t figure out why he still was wearing them. Maybe they had gotten intermingled with all of his hair and it was too painful to remove.

That alone was pretty gross, but seeing his wife slather sunscreen lotion on his back, matting down his hair and leaving big white patches, took the cake. She was working on his back for several minutes when I saw him walking toward the pool. Apparently her hands and arms were numb because it was VERY obvious that it wasn’t all rubbed in as he jumped into the pool. Thank God for chlorine.

Let’s Try This Again

Tammy headed inside before everyone else so she could start getting ready (it was really so I could get a hot shower this time). We all eventually made it in, got our showers and decided to try the Original Oyster House, not to be confused with the Oyster House) again for dinner.

We got there and checked on the wait which was only 40 minutes, a far cry from the two hours the night before. Dana and Tammy hit one of the shops while I took Emma down to the end of the pier to feed the fish. I thought Daniel and Erin were behind me, but they had stopped in one of the shops where we joined them after the fish had their fill.

Think She’s Heard That Before?

Daniel found Dana a couple of Auburn National Championship Tervis Tumblers ( as an anniversary present. While he was paying for them Emma and I found some pens that had a magnet on one end so they could stick to the fridge.


Why does everything have to be made in China?

Emma pulled on the pens of the board, looked at the end of it and said…

Emma: Why does everything have to be made in China?

I laughed, reached for my paper and pen and commented to Daniel that I wonder where she picked that up.

Sample Does Not Mean Slather

As we were walking out I noticed a husband and wife taking liberties with the store’s samples of lotions. Typically a store leaves samples of lotion out it’s done with the thinking that people will put a little on to see if they like the smell, feel, etc.

But this couple decided they would use the sample to help sooth their sunburned skin. The husband had a leg hiked up and had put enough lotion on that from his knee down was almost white, except for the red/pink sunburn shining through.

We met up with Tammy and Dana, who had bought herself a purse (Happy Anniversary to me) when we got buzzed to let us know our table was ready.

You’re a Grand Ol’ Flag

We got seated and finally got the waitress to make up for night at Hooters. She even gave us Tammy’s soup for free because she didn’t bring it out with the other appetizers.


Apparently it was Old Navy flag shirt day.

We overheard the waiter tell some of the tables next to us that on July 13th an episode of Man v. Food will air that was filled at the Original Oyster House. I don’t know what he was eating or anything else other that what I just typed so don’t ask me questions about it. Look it up…

That’s when we realized that we didn’t get the memo about wearing Old Navy America Flag shirts but apparently two the tables next to us did.

I guess Old Navy puts out the shirt every 4th of July and one of the families even had “retro” ones from a few years back.

Lobster, Kabuki and Mimes! Oh My!!

As we were getting ready to leave, two new couples replaced Flag Family #1. Typically something like that wouldn’t be memorable or make it into the Travel Logs.


Friends don't let friends go out like this.

But one of the girls was so different that I reached for my notes (not that I would have forgotten her). If I were a betting man, I would have put everything I had on the 4th being her first day at the beach. She was wearing a strapless dress and everywhere we could see skin was burned. I affectionately called her Lobster Girl (yeah, I know it’s obvious… so what.)

Her being that burn was bad enough, but the fact that she thought it’d be a good idea to put on what we assumed was her regular amount of makeup. We couldn’t decided what was worse, the fact that she left the house looking like a mime or that her friends didn’t tell her how stupid she looked.

Disney Ruins Everything

We headed back to the condo after dinner just in time to catch some of the fireworks show being held just up the beach. We had stepped out on our patio and see them over the line of trees when Emma looked up at me.


Thanks for the kick in the balls Disney.

Emma: We saw one in Florida that looked like Mickey.

At that point I couldn’t wait for them to finish so I could head inside and get some of Daniel’s margaritas to try and drown my disappointment. Thanks to Emma I got drunk that night.

Daniel, Tammy and I each had a margarita (Dana had wine) and then we headed off to bed for the last night because the Butler’s were heading back home on the 5th.

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