Carpooling Hell (Tammy’s version)

August, 11, 2011

I used to want to carpool with Jason when we drove an hour to work every day.

Not so much anymore.

I have a certain routine that I do every morning and I have learned that I really enjoy that routine, part of which is not getting up first.  I would get up first but Jason prefers to so he can leave earlier.

The funny thing is, I generally have to wake him up because I am the “Designated Alarm Master.” The alarm goes off, I hit the snooze button a few times until I know he should be waking up.

Then after waiting a few minutes to see if he gets up, I’ll sweetly say “Jason, it’s after 6 o’clock,” which then causes him to say “Huh, uh. I wish I could sleep later,” and then roll over, find his shorts and glasses and then stumble off to the shower.

Not once in many years has he ever woken up, hit the alarm and gotten himself up.

TODAY however…

Knowing I am the one that’s supposed to be up first, the minute the alarm starts to go off he starts moaning, rolling around and apparently looking at the clock each time I hit snooze. Because he made sure I knew it was 6 o’clock, and not one second later.

Jason: Baby, it’s six
Me: I know.

I mean really how could I not with all the little noises he kept making after each alarm. I get up and go shower, already annoyed.

Stupid Games

After the shower, I head to turn the TV on and see Jason getting out of bed. He sees me, says “you’re supposed to wake me up,” and lays back in the bed.

Despite my wanting to throw something at him and scream “Get the hell up,” I sweetly gave him what he wanted.

Me: Jason, it’s time to get up.
Jason: I don’t want to.
Me: Ok.

And with that I was done and headed out to make coffee, annoyed.

While he is in the shower, I get my coffee and head to the other room to cut coupons for a quick trip to Wal-Mart later today. He comes out of the shower, looks at me and says “Umm honey, I’ll do that.”

What he really meant was “Damn woman, you aren’t dressed yet? I wanted to leave by 7:30 and I know you won’t be ready if you’re sittin’ here doing that.”

I was finished with the coupons anyway but thought to myself “If I had a dart gun, I’d tag you in the upper thigh right now!!” and shot him a look that pretty much said that.

He said “Whaaaat???”  We then exchanged some jabs consisting of shut-up, whatever, go away and a few other things.

Needless to say I got dressed and ready by 7:20 (annoyed) and we headed out to work.

Do You Really Need That?

The temperature says 66 in my car and immediately Jason turns the AC on. I quickly turned my side to the heat which he responds “I need air moving.”

I then opened the sunroof (annoyed) and turned off the air. He turned it back on and I turned my side to the heat yet again. So now we have the sunroof open, the heat on one side and the air on the other…awesome!

I didn’t do my normal morning car exercises because I was annoyed and wasn’t about to give him more blog material.

So I just listened to the radio, hummed some and pretended Jason wasn’t even in the car.

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Around the 75% there mark, he reaches over and punches me in the arm.

Jason: Can you not talk?
Me: Yep.
Jason: What, you just don’t want to?
Me: Yep.

He then goes into the “I don’t know why you’re mad, I wasn’t even mad, I just said blah blah blah…”

I stopped listening at this point but replied “Yes you do, you know exactly what bothers me when you do that stuff.”

Bottom line, he immediately assumes I won’t be ready in time even though I have been on time when we have to carpool 99% of the time. So he resorts to treating me like a 2-year-old in a very passive-aggressive way that annoys me.

He continued to dodge the issue with,  “but I didn’t mean this” or “but I didn’t say it this way” or that way or blah blah…  I don’t remember the rest because I stopped listening.

Ninja Warrior

He then slides his hand over to remove a strand of hair from my breast. That caused my immediate reaction of balling up my hand in a fist prepared to fight off a sudden boob grab.

Jason: I see what you’re doing, you’re ready to swing.
Me: No, I was ready to protect.
Jason: From what?
Me: A boob grab, you know you would have.
Jason: No, no I would not.

Thankfully I pull into my work and has barely stopped the car before he annoyed me again.

Jason: Got your keys?
Me: Seriously?!? I don’t even have my purse, how can I have my keys already?

Geesh, talk about pushing me out the door.

Jason: Do you need this?
Me: Of course I do, it’s my lunch box. Umm Hello, I made it this am why wouldn’t I need it?


I get out of the car, he comes around to get in. I giggle inside knowing my seat is all the way close to the steering wheel and even lifted up pretty high.

He gets in the car, barely, and starts to move the seat back.

I give him a kiss cause I actually do love him. Then quickly hit the button to make the seat go all the way up again and I take off laughing.

Jason: Buhhole!!

As I am about to enter work I see this shadow behind me and coming fast. Then there it is, THE BOOB GRAB.

He runs away laughing.

I don’t like carpooling.

This entry was posted in Daily Life, Tammy's Tirades and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Carpooling Hell (Tammy’s version)

  1. Andie says:

    Well done to think of someithng like that

    • Felipe says:

      fuckina0kid from Weymouth! a0Tonight, Kyle elaborated upon a story him and Jason tohuced on in his Podcast with Jason Marcus. a0I don’t wanna even give it away which story it was, if ya wanna know,

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