June 29, 2011

Dropping my car off at Pro-Tech with Joe so he can make sure it’s ready for our 2000+-mile (round-trip) vacation doesn’t phase me. The tumultuous chaos that comes after, well that’s another story.

Tammy picked me up at Pro-Tech and we headed to drop her off at work before taking her car to my work, altering both of our routines.

It started with me asking her to roll up the windows as I was getting into her Jeep this morning. I like to have the AC so cold that my sunglasses fog up when I get out of the car. Tammy likes humidity. When she’s “comfortable” with the temperature somewhere it means I’m sweating and on the verge of passing out.

I let her have her way and kept the windows down but wanted to close the sunroof because the sun was shining directly in my eyes.

Tammy: It’s not even in your eyes.
Me: Yes it is, see right there?
Tammy: That’s not even your eye.
Me: Yes it is.
Tammy: Then move your seat up.

I sighed as I moved my seat up.

You Got Peanut Butter on My…
As we pulled out of the parking lot at Pro-Tech, I turned toward the console with my breakfast sandwich in my hand (two blueberry waffles, peanut butter, raisins and honey) which just happened to be at the same time Tammy turned in my direction. She was either trying to look to see if cars were coming or about to backhand me when my half-eaten breakfast smashed into her arm.

She yelled and showed me the peanut butter skid mark on her forearm. “Aw geez!! Lick it off.”

I wiped off the peanut butter with my index finger and rewiped it on the inside of her arm by her elbow.

Me: Praaankk
Tammy: You buhhole!!

She then proceeded to try and wipe off the relocated peanut butter on my shirt.

Staying In Your Lane AND In Shape
I noticed Tammy was wearing her 2-pound wrist weights while she drove (multitasking) and asked why she isn’t working out. She began doing curls with one are that ended with her punching the seat. For some reason I think the punching was added “for my benefit.”

Apparently there wasn’t anything good on the radio. She was like a man with the TV remote the way she was flipping through the stations trying to find something to “work out” to. “I can’t workout to that” was the typical response. “How can they ALL be on commercials right now?” was also heard more than once.

Me: You don’t NEED the radio on to workout.
Tammy: YES I do. Besides I’m don’t usually [workout] on busy roads so people can make fun of me. You’re messing up my routine.

She finally found a song she liked and began her routine, which consisted of holding the steering wheel with one hand and swinging the other hand around, which one more than one occasion ended in my chest (I think that was also “for my benefit”).

She’d switch arms and start her routine again. Fortunately for me she couldn’t reach me with her left arm.

I’d Be a Millionaire If It Weren’t for Stupid People
She’d been churning through her exercises for several minutes and as we were nearing her work she said gave me a little insight into her entrepreneurial mind.

Tammy: I could develop a whole time management workout routine, but someone would have an accident and end up suing me.
Me: You’re prolly right.

We got to her work where I moved to the driver’s seat and was talking with Tammy as she stood outside holding her bags while she talked to me.

Me: Are you going to wear those (arm weights) at work today?
Tammy: Oh crap. I forgot to take them off.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t said anything about the arm weights until I was driving away and screaming “Prraaaannnkkkk.”

I can’t wait to see what this afternoon’s ride home brings.