Today we hit the beach.
Despite Daniel missing the right at Burger King (he was looking for a Wendy’s), his crew (Dana, Emma and Erin) found their way to the condo this morning and we headed out the beach around 11 am.
The beach was packed so we found our way down toward the end of the mass of humanity. We set up our tent and chairs, laid down our blankets and were enjoying our little piece of land when someone decided we had too much room.
A group of Mormons (Tammy: it was Pentecostals) set up shop a few feet away from us. Once they had opened up the way to the west, a few more families made the venture which resulted in our once open space kept getting smaller. Don’t get me started on how this makes me feel…
Familiar Looking Sand Dunes
As Daniel and I waded out into the water with Emma and Erin, Tammy and Dana found a spot near the water’s edge to soak up some sun.
They decided to lay on their stomachs just high enough up so the waves would crash into and over them from time to time. After laying that way for a few minutes Dana got up and Tammy busted (no pun intended) out laughing.
Tammy tried to get to the camera so she could get photo evidence what had made her laugh, but Dana wanted no part of it and quickly erased the anatomically correct outline her body had left in the sand.
Unfortunately I didn’t get to see the imprint, but it was described as looking something like this…
What Was That In the Water?
A little later in the day, Daniel and I were out bouncing in the waves when we saw Tammy and Dana, who was carrying Erin, out to meet us.
I walked up a little to meet Tammy while Dana went out to Daniel, who was just a few feet away. I noticed that Tammy was looking around in the water and didn’t really think much of it since she doesn’t really get in the ocean much past her knees and is skittish of the seaweed and possible jellyfish.
Me: What you looking for, jellyfish?
Tammy: Nope. Turds.
Apparently little Erin had decided she needed to go to the bathroom, even finding a little privacy behind Dana’s chair on the beach, so Dana went naturalistic and walked out in the Gulf to feed the fish.
Needless to say we decided to take a break from the ocean to allow Mother Nature to clean herself.
They Learned It Somewhere
We headed back to the room around 3 so the kids could get a nap before dinner and so Tammy and Dana could drink wine on the patio.
Daniel and I were inside watching TV and I could tell something was going outside, but didn’t feel like getting up to check it out. But when Tammy ran inside and told me that I needed to bring my paper outside because there was a comedy show going on.
Editors Note: I have kept a pen and paper at arms length throughout the trip so I could capture (remember) any funny moments.
I grabbed my notebook and headed outside and ended up filling nearly two pages of notes while we watched two 10-year-old sisters (who we really didn’t think were sisters) flirting with some boys on the third floor. We are on the bottom floor so the patios all lead out to a big grassy area, where the girls were standing.
One of the girls pushes the other who then yells, “Don’t do that! You know I took karate.”
They disappeared for a few minutes and we thought the show was over, but it ended up just being the intermission.
When they reappeared they yelled, “We’re back. Sorry we had to put our cover ups on.”
I guess their Moms didn’t have a problem with the fact that they were standing outside and yelling so everyone could hear them, but they damn sure didn’t want them to do it in their bathing suits. Can’t be showing 10-year old cleavage.
At one point one of the girls yells, “Yeah, the bottom row sucks.” I guess she didn’t see that we were sitting ON THE BOTTOM ROW TOO!!
One of the girls yelled out, “You remind me of a person that likes me.” When someone upstairs asked “who” both of the girls responded…with different names.
A few minutes later one of the girls holds up a cell phone and said, “My boyfriend is calling me, one second…. Hello? What? I’m in Florida, bye,” and flips down the phone.
I looked at Tammy and said, “I thought we were in Alabama. Plus if she really just hung up on her boyfriend like that don’t you think he’d be calling back?”
Either the girl hear me or at 10 years old she already knows how to play The Game.
“Hold on, my boyfriend keeps on calling. What? I’m in Florida, I can’t come over. I’m hanging out with my frigging friends. BYE.”
When the boys upstairs asked them if they could come to the indoor pool later, one of the girls said they “go to the beach at night to boogie board.” The one with the phone said, “My Mom is calling me now. Mom, can we go to the indoor pool? She said we can’t.”
It was about this time that the Mom realized she was missing her phone because she stuck her head outside and yelled, “Bring me that phone!”
That’s when they turned on each other. “She doesn’t want to go, but I wanna go.”
It was time for dinner for the upstairs family, but the girls just kept yelling up questions. So much that not one, but TWO people upstairs said they just “want to eat our dinner in peace.”
When the two girls finally left, someone upstairs said, “Everyone named Sarah is dumb.” Don’t know many Sarah’s so the jury is still out on that one.
We headed out for dinner around 8 pm in hopes of missing the crowds. I decided to take everyone down to the end of the road to show them Fort Morgan.
I heard this as we pulled out.
Tammy: On the 4th, they are having special people at the Fort doing stuff.
Daniel: Special people? Like retards?
Tammy: No smartass…
I don’t really remember what she said in response to Daniel because everyone was laughing, well, except Tammy.
Gambled and Lost
I mentioned we decided to go late to dinner in hopes that the crowds would be smaller. We pulled into our first option around 8:30 and didn’t even get out of the car because the patio had over 100+ people.
We hit gridlock as we headed toward Orange Beach to try and find another spot. We finally found one that we thought we’d try but they had an hour wait. Since it was already 8:45 and we had two girls under 8 we decided to go to the Hooters next door.
It was the Hooters from Hell.
It Depends on What Your Definition of Is Is…
We waited about 30 minutes for a table out on the patio and was greeted by our waitress.
We ordered our drinks, a dozen raw oysters, fried pickles and Lots o’ Tots. The waitress came back with the drinks and oysters, which were HUGE and by far the biggest I’ve had on this trip (but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because as Daniel says, “Everything is bigger at Hooters.”), took our order and said the other appetizers would be coming out soon.
Looking back we should have asked her definition of soon.
Soon: within a short period after this or that time, event, etc.
About 10 minutes later, and after several trips to the table behind us with 4-5 males between 18-24, she told us our food would be right up.
Several plates of fries made their way to other tables outside, but still no pickles or tots. After another 10-15 minutes we finally got our appetizers.
At this point it was well after 9 pm and we were starving so we mowed through them pretty quickly.
I Will Be Right Here Waiting for You
I had been planning to eat my tots with my meal but I was running out of taters so I told the waitress that I’d like an order of fries with my meal and Dana ordered another beer. She took our orders and headed inside.
We waited and watched the infomercial about some new revolutionary salt that helps you lose weight when you sprinkle it on your food.
Having seen the infomercial between 3-6 times, I am now a believer and have ordered a case for Tammy and I so we’ll never be without. hahaha…
For those interested… http://dm.trysensa.com/dms2437/?gclid=CLWupZ__7KkCFQ8r7AodECRhWg
After waiting another 10-15 minutes, the waitress reappeared.
Waitress: I’m sorry ya’ll, but they lost your order in the back. Do ya’ll still want your food or do you just want me to ring up the appetizers. If you want your food I can throw in some free fries or something.
All four of our jaws dropped to the table because we couldn’t believe what she just said.
Dana snapped and told her that there are two small children that are hungry and that we wanted our food.
Waitress: Ok. I’ll go put the order in and I’ll put a rush on it.
It was at this point that we realized our order had never been lost because it’s hard to lose something that never was entered.
We saw her crying while she was putting in the order at the computer just inside the front door. A man we think was the manager came up to her and tried to console her.
I don’t know if she was upset at us or if she was crying because she hadn’t made the cut for the Miss Hooters International pageant we watched a few weeks ago.
Go Speed Racer, Go Speed Racer
It’s amazing how fast food comes out once it’s actually put into the computer. This time it was hand delivered by the manager who never acknowledged or apologized that we had been waiting for over and hour and hadn’t gotten our food.
He asked if we needed anything else and Dana said she was still missing her beer. Apparently that never made it into the computer either because he had to ask what she was drinking.
Had the manager apologized for the inconvenience or apologized in any way we prolly would have let it go.
Unfortnately by time we got our food Emma and Erin were tired and the rest of us weren’t really hungry so we barely ate anything.
Oh, You’re One of “Those” People
The hostess was cleaning off the table behind us so I asked her from some To Go containers. She said she’d bring them right out. She didn’t tell me that meant after she took a break by sitting at the bar and talking with co-workers.
A few minutes went by with no waitress and no To Go containers so I went inside and asked another waitress who was literally standing in front of them if we could have three.
Waitress #2: What table are you at?
I turned to point but before I could get anything out she said.
Waitress #2: Oh, at table 2? I’ll bring them to you.
She them proceed to make not one, but TWO trips out to the patio, both without our containers. She went back inside and got the containers but gave them to another waitress to bring out to us.
That’s when we experienced the Waitress Code because we must have been labeled as the “bad” table.
Our checks finally came out, along with the “Last Call” song by the waitresses.
Waitress: I’m sorry for the mix-up ya’ll. It was my fault that the order didn’t go through so I’m not charging you for your food. This is just for the appetizers.
After she had left, Dana and I said, “It’s a good thing she’s not charging us for our food because we weren’t going to pay for it.”
Tammy said she said someone ask our waitress something as she walked in and our waitress shook her head. We decided someone asked her if we had left a tip.
So now she’s a liar because we DID leave a tip, just a minimal one.
We piled back into the car and headed back to the condo frustrated and tired.
So ends another day of fun in Gulf Shores.