Despite being nearly 40 years old and living about 700 miles away, I recently received an email where I was reprimanded by my Mom.

Apparently she didn’t like some of the colorful words I used in my blog.

You choices make me sad...

I know I’m probably going to make you mad, however, I enjoy reading your writings when you send them, but I don’t like, or understand why the use of,  the “choice” words in there.  I really don’t think that it is necessary to use those words to get your message across.  It sends me the wrong message about you and your upbringing.  I know I  brought you up not to use those words. 

Sad in Mississippi
Your Mom

Oh, You Make Me Smile

By no means was I mad when read her email. It actually made me smile for a few reasons, the first of which being that it gave me something to write about (I’m always looking for material).

What made me chuckle was the thought of one of the handful of subscribers/followers I have reading my posts, shaking their heads and questioning how I was raised.

Reader: Well, it’s obvious that J-Wo’s Mother didn’t bring him up properly. I wonder if he even had a Mother at all.

Don't ask cause I won't tell.

It made me smile that my Mom thought that my “choice” words from my blogs, which are mostly read by friends and people I work with or have worked with, reflect badly on me.

Do you know how proud I would be if I could say that those “choice” words were the worst thing I’ve done over the past 38 years?

I wish I could say those few words were the worst thing I’ve done in the past week.

I don’t even want to get into The College Years. To this day I don’t know how I ended up with a goat in my apartment.

By the Numbers

82, 82, 82... 246 toothpicks

The funny thing is that I don’t even spell out the majority of the “choice” words. I put symbols in place of certain letters so my blogs aren’t flagged as offensive.

Being the dork that I am, I wondered how many times I had used offensive words in since I started The Life of J-Wo.

I was surprised at what I found.

Total number of words in all posts: 54,298
Total number of posts: 40
Average words per post: 1,457
Total number of “choice” words: 24 (margin of error + – 3 words)
Ratio of words to “choice” words: 2,429 to 1

Don’t Worry, I Won’t Push You

Stand here for a second...

Another little interesting tidbit I found was that of the 24 “choice” words, 18 of them appear in the Tammy’s Tirades section, which are posts written by my wife.

That means she’s responsible for 75% of the offending words which, isn’t really surprising since she only submits something when she’s pissed off or fed up with something or someone(s).

I leave the “edited” versions in her posts to help get across how angry, frustrated, etc., she feels. I’m so flippin’  mad just doesn’t carry the same weight as the alternative.

Just to be Clear

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my Mother. She’s helped me through some pretty rough times in my life and has always been there for me.

What did you say this time?

She provided for me when we had nothing and has much more of an influence on my life than she realizes.

If I used those “choice” words growing up I got to find out what soap tasted like.

Had I turned out to be the kid she raised I prolly wouldn’t be sitting where I am today, but that doesn’t mean she failed.

I’ve made my own choices and have to live with the consequences of those actions, something I learned from my Mom.

But I told my Mom that if I alter my writing to make other people happy then I’m not really writing the way I want to write.

There are times when Tammy gets upset at me for the edits I make to Tammy’s Tirades — if I use a different title than she suggests or when she feels I take a blog in a direction she doesn’t agree with (normally when they are about her).

So please don’t send letters blaming my Mom for some of the salty language or the odd placement of symbols in my posts.

But if you HAVE to blame someone, please send 75% of it to my wife.