On my way to work today I saw something that had me shaking my head and thinking there must be something I don’t know.
Around 7:20 this morning I saw a group of people huddled in what I think was sposed to be a line in front of an AT&T store.
I watched them as I sat at the red light across the street and figured there must be a new iPhone coming out.
Turns out I was right and it was happening all over the world.
On the edge of their seats in Orlando. (Courtsey of cfnews13.com)
Around the corner in Scotland. (Courtsey of the Evening Times)
More people with time on their hands in Maryland. (Michael S. Rosenwald - The Washington Post)
“It feels amazing, it is one of the greatest feelings in the world so far,”
— Tom Mosca, 15, who was first through the door after waiting for more than three days to snare an iPhone 4S.
Dude, you’re 15—that’s the kind of stuff you say after your first boob, which obviously you haven’t done yet. You should have spent the last four days trying to or at least thinking about getting to touch boobs, not standing in line to get a new phone.
You’ve basically just told all of the girls in your area that you are the King Dork of Sydney. When you’re 45 and still haven’t touched a boob, remember this feeling and think of how your life could have been different.
Hopefully next time Dwight.
“I wanted it anyway, but (Jobs’ death) made me sort of want it more because this is the last one I know he worked on,”
— Dwight Hill, from an Atlanta suburb
Really Dwight? I didn’t realize that Steve Jobs hand-produced every single iPhone that’s rolling out. I bet you’ve got a lot of commemorative plates around your house to remind you of your favorite celebrities. It’s for your own good that I’m telling you this, but they didn’t actually eat off those plates.
Back in the Day a Line Meant Something
Saw him, him, him, them, possibly him, is he dead now??
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’ve never waited in a line outside of a store waiting for it to open.
But it was for something way more important than a phone.
It was to get tickets so see any one of the 80s Hair Bands that dared to venture within driving distance of Tupelo, Mississippi.
Back then the information superhighway was only a dirt road and you definitely couldn’t get it on a cell phone.
Back then you couldn’t even get a cell phone in your pocket and the only person I know that actually had one was Zack Morris.
That sound? Oh it just my brain melting from the radiation in my sweet phone.
Does It Have iMagic?
Oh, I get it... People cheer if you're the first one in the store. (Courtsey of cnn.com)
So, I just don’t get the need to be first in line for a phone.
Is there a reward for getting an iPhone the second the store opens?
Do they give you unlimited credits on iTunes?
Do the first 10 phones that are sold contain an app that turns red lights green?
Are you hoping to be interviewed by the press since you’re the first person in line? Careful about getting your “15 Minutes” that way (see young Tom above).
Midnight Madness
This craze isn’t just for phones these days.
While not my thing, I can understand some of the early morning lines in front of stores the Friday after Thanksgiving when there are great deals and limited supplies.
If you follow me you know my thoughts on movies, but I don’t get why people get all crazed about going to the first showing when a new movie comes out.
How many people do you think would turn around if I yell “DORK?” (usatoday)
Because I’ve never experienced this, I’m left to wonder if they get something special too.
Free popcorn? Drinks? Candy?
Special previews that no one else in the world gets to see?
Commemorative plate?
Fortunately I only know a handful of Harry Potter dorks fans, but I don’t want to ask them because I’m afraid they’ll start telling me about the movie so I’m fine with not knowing.
Yeah, But I’m…
But seriously, for those of you that DO stand in lines to get the first phone or see the first showing of a movie, what do you do with that distinction?
Do you gloat that you got to see Harry Potter before your friends did?
Does that make you the biggest, most powerful wizard?
If your friend walks into the AT&T store this afternoon and gets the same new iPhone you got at 8 a.m., would you say, “Yeah, but I’ve had mine for 5 hours longer than you.”?
I really don’t get it.
But maybe it’s better this way because at least I’ve touched a boob.
The Life of J-Wo 
My buddy told me that waiting in line for an iPhone would be a great way to meet girls. i mean, the girls will know you’re hip right off the bat just because you’re there. He said that if it’s really crowded, then even if you don’t actually talk to a girl, you can, you know, sort of rub up against her. Nothing weird, you know, but like if you get jostled into her or something.
So I got the phone, but there weren’t any girls in the line.
If I were you I’d start watching to see how much of a buddy this person really is. Teasing you with the possibility of boob touching is suspicious behavior that needs to be monitored.
Sounds to me like he might be one of those friends that does stuff like pull your pants down in front of a bunch of girls at a bar because he thinks it’s funny and can make embarrass you all night.
If you start seeing more shading actions from him like that the best way to regain the upper hand is a swift kick in the balls.
Sorry you didn’t get any “rubbin’” today but at least you got your phone.
I don’t get it either. I’d rather brag about how smart I was to wait for two days, breeze into the store and out in 5 minutes, and not waste all of my time in a friggin line. But that’s just me.
Totally agree.
I’d much rather say, “Yeah, but I got an extra 45 minutes of sleep,” to someone showing off their early-morning-iPhone.
But I didn’t know if the early birds got some extra added features or special deals that would qualify as them getting “the worm” and therefore make it worth it.
I laughed a few times reading this article. Great job.
This is hilarious. I feel the same as you. There is no way in hell I would wait in line for hours/days to buy something.
What is that saying about a fool soon being parted from his money? You know what I’m saying.
I’d love to know how many of the people standing in line had an iPhone that was less than a year old or who weren’t eligible for an upgrade (if an upgrade can even be used).
I’m sure the majority of them paid full price for it because they “just had to have it.”
I bet there are people out there who proudly claim that they have owned (and still have displayed in their house somewhere) ever iPhone made.
iDon’t Get it…
I believe the new iphone actually comes with a “boob touching” app on it……..talk about best of both worlds!!
Wouldn’t that be the breast of both worlds TG?
What inspiration! I would have at least understand if it’s a ground breaking complete redesign iPhone 5. It is the same iPhone4 with a dual core processor. And there’re people really think iPhone 4S means “IPhone For Steve” that it is a memorabilia. That’s more than stupid!
I believe Apple next releases iBrick, which is just a red brick with an Apple logo on, those people will wait in line for it too.
BTW, the best quote in your article “You should have spent the last four days trying to or at least thinking about getting to touch boobs, not standing in line to get a new phone.”
iPhone lovers had plenty of time to touch boobs between the release of the 4 and the 4S. Don’t worry.
If you want something bad enough you’ll get in line for it.
If you don’t want it, you don’t understand.
SNL last night just made fun of the Iphone 4S as Iphone for Ass.
Are you kidding me? Of course there is something to gain when you purchase it at the Apple store the 1st day. Look on eBay for the going price!!!