Broken Resolutions, Wal-Mart and the Great White Death

Everyone knows how hard keeping resolutions can be, but usually people are able to stick with them for the first few months of the year.

I didn’t even make it through January.

Back on New Year’s Day I wrote goals for The Life of JWo, one of which was to post a minimum of twice a week for 2012, but last week I only posted once.

“Those Cats Were Fast As Lightning

Steven Seagal likes movies with three-word titles.

Considering the circumstances, it’s not like I didn’t have time to write, but this past week was surprisingly busy for me.

Monday, the last time I posted, was my first day home and there was a Steven Seagal movie marathon on Spike TV.

Talk about the perfect way to spend my first unemployed day. I couldn’t contain my excitement and let Tammy know while we were chatting in Yahoo.

Me: Seagal’s bout to kick some butt because someone kidnapped his daughter. Wish you were here to watch it with me. hahaha…
Tammy: Yuck. I’m so sick to my stomach.
Me: Why you sick to your stomach? Cause you’re missing Steven Seagal? hahaha…
Tammy: No, not cause of Seagal. If anything he makes me sick.

A little while later, I continued my Seagal discussions through Yahoo.

Me: If I were Steven Seagal, I’d stop going to other countries. He gets in more trouble in other countries than he does here.

Tammy didn’t respond, but I didn’t let that stop me.

Me: I was just thinking, he prolly goes to other countries so he doesn’t have to fight Chuck Norris.
Tammy: You are a dork.

Optical Dillusion

But my first week without work wasn’t all flying fists of fury. I actually learned something about myself.

I already knew that I loved me some Diet Dr. Pepper, which I usually call Diet Dr. Pecker because that’s what my grandfather used to call it.

I would usually drink a can a day during lunch at work. When I got let go, I had three or four 12 packs at work that I brought home.

Even thought I usually drink from 2-liters when I’m at home, I put some of the cans in the fridge so I could start working through my inventory.

After the first couple of days, I found myself not drinking nearly as much as normal and I finally realized why.

This only counts as ONE drink.

It was because I was drinking out of the cans instead of the 2-liter.

I was still thirsty after I knocked back my first can of Diet Dr. Pecker but wouldn’t let myself get another can.

Why? Because finishing two cans would make me feel like I was drinking more than I should.

When I drink from the 2-liter, I use a 24-oz. Tervis Tumbler which equals two cans.

Technically I’m drinking MORE when I use my Tervis Tumbler, but that’s not how my brain sees things.

Brain: You just finished TWO cans? Why are you drinking so much? What’s wrong with you?
Me: Huh? What are you talking about?
Brain: When you drink a 2-liter in a day you are only finishing ONE container instead of multiple cans. And only finishing one thing looks better than finishing more than one. Duh!!
Me: I never looked at it like that before, but that makes total sense. No more cans for me. It’s gonna be 2-liters all the way.

The Walking Wounded

As many of you know, Tammy and I started doing the TurboFire work outs at the end of 2011.

During our Monday (1.16.12) exercises I noticed that my arms were hurting more than usual and I told Tammy I knew why.

Me: My arms hurt because I was watching Steven Seagal movies all day and I was helping him kick the bad guys ass. Not that he needed the help.

She didn’t say anything.

We made it through three weeks without missing a single workout, but during that third week Tammy did something to hurt her ankle.

She never rolled her ankle or did anything that instantly caused pain, but considering her ankles aren’t very big it wouldn’t have taken much.

She just woke up one morning and both of her ankles were sore and were even bruised. It was so bad that she was wishing things were different.

Tammy: This is the one time I wished I had cankles.

So because the fact that Tammy can’t walk without a limp, we’ve had to take it easy for the fourth week and missed a few workouts.

I bought her a brace to help stabilize her ankle, but because she can’t wear it with her “whore heels” she doesn’t like using it.

The Clone Wars

I talked with the employment agency on Tuesday afternoon where Shannon suggested making a few changes to my resume and setting up an online portfolio that would show samples of my work.

I didn’t have it finished by Tuesday night and told myself I wanted to get done by noon on Wednesday. It took a little longer than expected and I emailed my updated resume with the link to my portfolio around 2:30, which surprised Shannon.

Shannon: Wow, you did all this already?  Can I clone you???

She said everything looked good and I’m hoping something will open up so she can place me soon.

I’ve applied for a few positions out there, including one at a company Tammy used to work at, so I’ve got my fingers crossed that I’ll hear something soon.

Lesson Learned

I spent the most part of Thursday doing one of my favorite activities.

We were in dire need of groceries and I was more than happy to tackle that task because that meant I would be shopping at Wal-Mart.

I headed out mid-morning thinking that it would be a good time but boy was I wrong. Not only were there long lines when I went to check-out, but they hadn’t stocked up on a lot of things.

Considering how much I bought it will a while before I get to go back, but I when I do it won’t be during mid-mornings on Thursdays.

Great White Death

Tom Skillet-head showing the approaching Great White Death.

Part of the reason I decided to go to Wal-Mart on Thursday was because Friday the first big snow of the winter was set to hit.

Thursday afternoon WGN’s Tom Skillet-head’s computer model predicted 9.7” for Woodstock and I wasn’t going to venture out unless absolute necessary.

So I decided to start a home remodeling project, but that’s for another blog that I promise won’t take a week for me to finish.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

As I start Week 2, I know that I’ll continue to go to bed every night with Tammy and get up every morning before she leaves for work to try and keep my normal routine.

While Tammy sometimes appreciates our morning interactions, things prolly would be different if the roles were reversed.

Tammy: You’re a much better person than me because I wouldn’t be getting up.

Maybe I’ll sleep late a few days so she’ll see how much she misses me.

Nah, it’s too much fun waking up and harassing her every morning.

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6 Responses to Broken Resolutions, Wal-Mart and the Great White Death

  1. Joanne Calarco says:

    Hey, a few of us are going to see a fun band Sat nt. in Island Lake. SInce you currently don’t have to get up for anything…

  2. I’m with Tammy. I totally wouldn’t get up. In fact, she would probably come home from work and I’d still be in bed. O.K. – that was kind of a weird sentence…

  3. Seagal Rocks!! Loved his movies growing up. My brother and I watched Under Siege more than I care to admit. And Hard to Kill – Mason Storm!! A Seagal movie marathon day before getting off your ass and being productive…totally acceptable.

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