Several years ago Tammy and I bought a little book full of Would You Rather questions to take when we traveled. It gave us hours of entertainment but none of them were as interesting as last night.
I was sitting out the couch with Tammy, about to watch an episode of Impractical Jokers (highly recommend by the way), when Jake started peppering Tammy with “Would You Rather” questions.
Jake’s version of the game was a little different from the typical “would you rather eat a cricket or a spider?” or “would you rather wear someone else’s dirty underwear or use a stranger’s toothbrush?”
His questions all centered around Tammy and one person.
Jake: Hey Mom, say you had millions of dollars and owned a second football team in Chicago, would you rather start it with Peyton Manning or Aaron Rodgers as your quarterback?
Tammy: That’s a stupid question. You know I’d pick Peyton.
Jake: Well, what if it meant you’d be broke in a year and wouldn’t own the team anymore.
Me: She’d still do it because it would mean she’d get to spend a year hanging out with Peyton and that’d be worth it for her.
Jake: Oh my God! That’s so retarded.
Jake wasn’t done and tried to find another way to get Tammy to “go against” Peyton.
Jake: Would you have a tractor run over my legs and break them to meet Peyton?
Me: How bad would they be broken?
Tammy: Yeah, would you be able to walk again?
Jake: Yeah, I’d be able to walk again but I’d have to have surgery.
Tammy: How long would it take for you to be able to walk?
Jake: Like two months…
Tammy: (interrupting) Oh yeah, I’d do it.
Jake: No, like a long time.
Me: (laughing) She sold you out quick for two months.
Jake kept himself part of the equation despite being thrown under the bus pretty quick by Tammy.
Jake: Would you want me to be dying if my “Make a Wish” thing would be to meet Peyton Manning?
Tammy: No. I don’t want you to do die.
Jake: What if I really wasn’t dying but they just thought I was and you could see Peyton Manning whenever you wanted?
Tammy: Well duh…
Jake took himself out of the next question.
Jake: Would you rather buy the world’s nicest bulldog in the world (besides Savannah) from Michael Vick’s dog pound or the world’s meanest pit bull from Peyton Manning?
Tammy: That’s just stupid because Peyton would never have a mean pit bull.
After that Jake decided to take the questions to a different level.
Jake: Would rather have a threesome with Peyton and Eli or…
Tammy: You can stop right there.
Tammy: I’d take that.
Jake: But I didn’t even finish.
Tammy: It doesn’t matter.
Jake: What if Archie (Peyton’s Dad) was there.
Tammy: I wouldn’t care. I prolly wouldn’t even see him.
Jake: You’re messed up Mom.
Tammy: I’M MESSED UP?! You’re the one thinking of this stuff.
Jake: OK, last one… Would you rather make out with Tom Brady or lick Peyton’s buhhole?
I just started laughing hysterically at that one.
Jake: Come on, you gotta pick one.
Tammy: Make out with Tom Brady.
Me: Ooooohhhh… you love Tom Brady!!
This morning Jake and I were talking about Tammy’s Peyton love and he gave me a little insight into the reasoning behind his questions.
Jake: I don’t really mind Peyton Manning, but Mom ruins in because no one should like someone that much.
I just hope Tammy never is left alone with Peyton and Eli.