Last week I introduced a section to The Life of JWo called Things I Have Overheard, which consisted of random things I overheard since arriving in Memphis and starting my job.
What follows is a collection of what I heard this week. Some of them are from work, some from Tammy and other various interactions.
And yes, I know. We definitely have fun at work.
If I’m not enjoying the concert I might as well enjoy the drunk. #overheard
I don’t know how he makes any money. He has 12 people in his band. I counted twice just to make sure. #overheard
It’s amazing to me how much country music singers love each other. #overheard
With my sense of humor I can find fun things in those situations, so it’s alright. #overheard
I’m not following you. I had already planned on going this route. #overheard
Me: I’m ready for this Jodi Arias trial to be over with so I can get my wife back.
Coworker: I’m ready for this wedding to be over with so I can get my wife back.
I’m still getting used to this. I can’t swallow it right away. I have to swish it around in my mouth first. #overheard
I’m just saying, a mosquito bite on your taint will ruin a mood. #overheard
I worked at Auto Zone, they taught me manners there. You have to be really nice to people, even if they are the dumbest person you have met in your life. They can cuss you out in Spanish and you still have to be nice to them. #overheard
I didn’t have nothing to drink while I was eating… except for corn juice. #overheard
I can do 17 pull-ups and they say that [doing] 20 is almost elite, so I’m almost there. #overheard
I figured that’s gotta be a good source, she’s a celebrity. #overheard
Things that go together great are usually always still better separate. Think about peanut and jelly. It’s great separate but when they put it in one jar it’s not as good. Meat is different. #overheard.
Meat is good no matter what you do to it. #overheard
It sucks the flavor out of the pepperoni. #overheard
Is it cool if I just skip it? I don’t know that phone training is for me. If it’s more complicated than just picking it up then we’ve misused our money. #overheard
Some people consider me a highly determined individual. If you know what to know what my secret is… I try to listen to “Eye of the Tiger” at least once a day. #overheard
If it takes an hour to learn about this phone then it’s too complicated of a phone. All I need to do is know how to transfer calls that are misplaced to me. #overheard
I tried to let it go because it wouldn’t have been the first time I’ve alienated one of [my wife’s] friends over music. She gets mad when I do that. #overheard
I don’t like country music that talks about Jesus or raising kids. I don’t what to hear about your damn kids. #overheard
I like corn on the cob, but not off it. It’s a good butter and salt delivery device. #overheard
You can take small chunks at a time, right? You’d enjoy that? #overheard
If I really like a movie I can watch it five times in a year. If I pretty-much like a movie I can watch it once a year. #overheard
I hope they [Arkansas] are good this year. I just need them to be better than Tennessee. #overheard
I don’t care for Alabama fans because unless they are from Alabama I think they are just bandwagoners. #overheard
Ain’t no point if it’s unfrosted. #overheard
I hate the word ain’t. I only use it for emphasis, such as in this setting and in this instance I thought it was needed. #overheard
Some people have names that are more famous than they are. #overheard
Do you know how close I was to spewing. #overheard
If you didn’t go to this meeting, I might question your team playerness. #overheard
Seriously what’s going on with that [North Korean] dude? All of the South Korean’s I know are cool. #overheard
When it’s out, fully hard you have to slam it onto the ground to get it to go back in. #overheard
Me: We’ll I’m gonna let you go because you aren’t paying attention.
Tammy: Yes I am, just not 100% to either.
A 2,000 calorie breakfast is a great way to start the weekend. #overheard
It’s not like I’m sitting here fidgeting or thinking about cutting you up because I need a cigarette. #overheard
I think cigarettes should be easy to quit because they smell really bad. #overheard
I’m thinking that if I’m gonna be getting second-hand smoke then I’d rather get first-hand smoke. #overheard
I do like those electronic cigarettes though. I think those are pretty pimp. #overheard
She’s a solid girl anyway. #overheard
It’s almost as strongish as… #overheard
I shoulda went to training… how do I make a long distance phone call? #overheard
You know, life doesn’t get much better than pork chops. #overheard
You can be a little perverted and that’s cool, like you… #overheard
Isn’t it amazing to think that kids today might grow up not remembering that KFC had bones in their chicken. #overheard
That’s the only time I crave Chick-fil-A is on Sunday. #overheard
CW 1: God said to eat chicken on Sunday. Damnit.
CW 2: That might be the rudest thing I’ve ever heard you say. #overheard
He’s a tall, skinny Magnum P.I. #overheard
CW 1: That’s deeper than I thought it would be.
CW 2: That’s what she said. #overheard
I’m just doing what you do to me all the time, come in there and just lurk. Payback’s a bitch. #overheard
Why is there what looks like an old, used sock on your desk? #overheard
Out of the corner of my eye I saw you were twitching and all drawn up, so I wasn’t sure what you were doing. #overheard
If you can show me where the song references cocaine then I will automatically listen to it. #overheard
I know your baby is going to say some really cute things, but please don’t let it change your vocabulary. #overheard
It’s thicker than i thought it’d be. #overheard
Me: Are you sure you want to introduce her to us?
CW: Yeah, I introduce her to strange people all the time. #overheard
I could go if your fat ass wasn’t blocking the door. #overheard
It’s like an angel licking your ass. #overheard
Me: I think it would be cool to be a crime scene creator, but I don’t think that job exists.
CW: They do. It’s called a criminal. #overheard
It’s almost like were trying to figure out who the biggest psychopath is. #overheard
My college didn’t allow nude male models because certain things could happen that might be construed as sexual harassment to the female students. #overheard
Is she talking to me? I’m trying not to make eye contact. #overheard
I won’t wear pink but I do have a purple, tie-dyed David Lee Roth Skyscraper t-shirt that I’ll wear. #overheard
He’s a f^cking liar. He said it wouldn’t take forever and he’s only go the braces on. #overheard
You know why? Because he know they’ll be better workers. #overheard
We don’t really specialize in wine. #overheard
I just want to go out totally bra-less in a white shirt to see what people say. #overheard
I just need one good wipeout and that would make me happy. #overheard
I’m bout ready to beat some ass. #overheard
We rushed home for this? We coulda made fun of people. #overheard
I’m kinda surprised they haven’t built something that would transport us to different places, like the Jetsons. #overheard
Wow, that’s 10 pounds? I’m strong. #overheard
If the past month has taught me anything, I’m sure that the coming week will be full of more fun things that will be #overheard.