It’s been a busy week. A coworker was stressed because a big project was coming to an end before he got married (today), I lost the J-Fro, I went to my first Memphis Grizzlies game and shopping with Tammy.
This is some of what was overheard. Some of these have been posted to my Twitter and Facebook accounts, but I keep track of them separately so I can post them all here. Click for the previous week’s Overheard, Part I and Part II.
I just like to make fun of people whenever I can. #overheard
Our mission was to get hobo drunk. #overheard
Some people just shouldn’t own cars because of what they do to them. #overheard
If I had the money to buy a Corvette, I’d buy a Nissan GTR. #overheard
That’s why I stop at Target so I don’t have to see that sh!t [fat woman’s stomach hanging out of her shirt]. #overheard
Well, you think you hate those people, but you know what, they at least make you feel good about yourself, right? #overheard
They might have the Chuck E Cheese rule there, you know, where you must have to have at least one kid with you. #overheard
I just realized that out of all the designer spaces, I have the least carpeted wall space of anyone. #overheard
Expensive sunglasses last longer because you care more. #overheard
My Dad works for Vision Works and the past two years he’s gotten me sunglasses for Christmas (pause) but they are ugly. #overheard
I’m gonna go drop The Hammer before we start. Just kidding, it’s only number 1. #overheard
CW 1: What’s wrong with Texas?
CW 2: I’ve never met anyone I like from Texas. #overheard
The thing I like about Texas is higher speed limits. #overheard
I worry about getting pulled over in small towns because they don’t have sh!telse to do there. #overheard
I don’t know anybody who was in a hair metal band, no matter how obscure, that is from Arkansas. #overheard
I know a lot of random things, but my random knowledge is more randomized than his is. #overheard
Remember when we were talking about those cars you have no interest in yesterday? Did you notice I had the car you knew nothing about until yesterday on my desk? It’s right here. #overheard
Those gays, they’ve got good taste in stuff. #overheard
When we go to places like Bed, Bath and Beyond I go to the kitchen timers and set them all to go off in an hour. #overheard
Let’s just say that to a squirrel my backyard looks like a jungle. #overheard
My yard is greener than everybody elses, who have the “nice” yards. #overheard
You being heartless never gets old. #overheard
Whenever my phone goes off I’m like, ehhhhh… #overheard
I really hate it when it’s my grandparents [on the phone]. I’m like, “Don’t call me.” I’ll talk to you the next time I’m in town. #overheard
Me: He likes to vacuum for fun?
CW 2: He likes the lines in the carpet. #overheard
Those chemical cleaners are gonna give people cancer. #overheard
Anyway, just play with it and maybe you can teach me a couple of things. #overheard
CW 1: You don’t even have an iPhone you can’t talk about Steve [Jobs] like that.
CW 2: I had an iPhone for three years.
CW 1: Then you are a defector. #overheard
You know that everybody in here, no matter what shape they are, have at one time been getting at it. #overheard
Don’t you ever wonder what their “O-face” looks like? #overheard
I want to pick it up and punt it back into its yard. They are cats, they don’t get hurt and you’d have to do it like nine times before it worked. #overheard
It’s never good to be an ex-husband when your ex-wife is found murdered. #overheard
On my Pandora, I have a station for Glee. Yes, I know I’m a nerd. #overheard
Wanna know a weird association? Anytime anyone says a floor, I think “la fleur” like Ben Stiller says it in Dodgeball. #overheard
Oh – you’re playing with it right now? #overheard
I confused him because I’m monotone. #overheard
CW 1: My Mom beat my ass with a yardstick once.
CW 2: My kid’s not old enough to do to that yet.
Me: You could use a ruler. #overheard
Anything that doesn’t involve my ass getting out of this chair will work. #overheard
The old man (me) is having a bad hearing day. #overheard
It won’t come that far inside. #overheard
They ax me and I be like, uhhhhh… #overheard
CW 1: It doesn’t suck as much as it did last time.
CW 2: Ok, then how much less-sucky should I make it? #overheard
Me: How do you know that?
CW 1: My Momma tells me. #overheard
I’ve got a big hole in the pushrod section. #overheard
If you want to finish early so I’m not in charge of this child by myself, I’d be OK with that. #overheard
We already did it, now I have to pay attention to you too? #overheard
Everything I do is public, but I don’t want my desperate attempts to win stuff to be public. #overheard
Y’all are gonna be sorry when I’m rich and you were making fun of me. #overheard
I can’t go to lunch with y’all today. I have to go to Wal-Mart. #overheard
It won’t be as big of a thing to drop in. #overheard
He can be a butthole all the way to the bank. #overheard
Me not liking it doesn’t keep them from making money. #overheard
I know how much you love the pepperoni. #overheard
If I won the lottery, I’d be making a trip to Jonesboro [Arkansas] to buy a car. #overheard
I don’t complain, I just bitch, there’s a difference. #overheard
If the marriage doesn’t last a year then I get the shirt back. #overheard
I have a solution for AIDS… just know who you are having sex with. #overheard
If you are walking then I think you are a hooker. #overheard
I am way fatter than [he] thinks I am. #overheard
If I didn’t butt into conversations then nobody would ever be talking to me. #overheard
CW 1: My girlfriend is having a bad day.
CW 2: Yeah, she’s getting married in three days. #overheard
Waitress: I love these burgers, I can’t stop eating them myself.
CW: I can tell. #overheard
It prolly wouldn’t be very good of me to suck the chocolate off then spit the dud out. #overheard
Marriage will be the death of you. Nothing good comes from it. #overheard
I’m fun outside of work. #overheard
What do I need to tell them? To call someone else or that they are just sh!t out of luck? #overheard
There’s less than zero chance that I’m going to use “pretty” in one of our headlines. #overheard
I’m wondering if I just don’t like your face. #overheard
Facebook people are evil, I don’t care what they say. #overheard
You know, it seems like it’s been a while since I’ve seen some good lightening. #overheard
I jammed up the printer so bad that I was sweatin’ trying to get it undone. #overheard
Guy at bar: I’m trying to sell my house. I got a nibble.
Me: I’ve got two of them.
Guy: I said nibbles.
Me: Oh… #overheard
It’s too cold outside. I’m a Prissy Priss. #overheard
I don’t remember what’s dream and reality from last night. #overheard
I look at these pills and think “They prolly just fill them with dust.” #overheard
I hate it when they open it up and don’t take it. #overheard
That is poor people food right there. #overheard