I know I missed my usual Sunday posting of Things I Have Overheard, I had a busy weekend. Settle down.
I was keeping track during the week, I just didn’t have enough hours in the day to get everything done Sunday night because I was working on my last post, A Busy Weekend of BBQ, Beers and Beale.
We had out of town friends staying with us this weekend and technically there should be a LOT more #overheard items, but I didn’t write all of them down.
I wouldn’t have been able to do anything else.
So, without further adieu, here is Part VI of Things I Have Overheard.
He catches me from behind and gets in the mud first. #overheard
I didn’t know that he died, or that he was actually alive for that matter. #overheard
Mom said I was grounded for having that word [sucks] on my shirt. #overheard
If cats had opposable thumbs we’d be in trouble. #overheard
A guy with cats can get a Cat Lady type of girlfriend. #overheard
I don’t wanna be a rub it in your face kind of guy. #overheard
You didn’t want them after I finger banged them. #overheard
When you’ve got two dumb people talking you don’t get very far. #overheard
I don’t mean this to sound discriminatory, but she sounds like she’s an older person. #overheard
Me talking to another me doesn’t help. #overheard
It’s not your fault that woman’s dumb. #overheard
I wear a polo-type shirt out of sense of responsibility and nothing else. #overheard
“Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake just started playing in my head. #overheard
That [place] is the “she prolly went out the back and killed it,” but it’s prolly really good. #overheard
I actually don’t insult you as much as he does. #overheard
I don’t see the positive in him saying, “I found a picture of a retard on a bike and thought of you.” #overheard
They might be more alcoholic than I thought. #overheard
Nobody ever invites me to a party, but I’m always a good designated driver. #overheard
My friend was the DD (designated driver) when we got hobo drunk. That girl deserves a medal. #overheard
These are weird conversations. #overheard
I don’t care what anybody says, being at the Warrior Dash was better than watching George Jones funeral for three hours on Sunday. #overheard
Being at the Warrior Dash is like Wal-Mart deluxe. The entire spectrum of society is there, with not very much clothes on. #overheard
I don’t run that far for less than three beers. #overheard
Cats aren’t terrible in all ways, because I do love a good You Tube video of bad stuff happening to them. #overheard
Me: That’s the kind of music that makes me want to kill myself.
CW: Makes me feel like living.
Me: Hmmm… That’s why we are different.
I’d rather eat cheese and crackers than Taco Bell. #overheard
You still trying to get that thing in something, huh? #overheard
I’m just messing with you, you’re gonna get what’s coming to you. #overheard
I’m not as overly stuffed as I was hoping to I’d be. #overheard
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten at a Taco Bell before 11 in the morning. #overheard
I’m not all against being mean to kids because sometimes it’s just fun. #overheard
I’ve never been to a real party. #overheard
Apparently we were already so obnoxious that [the designated driver] had to have a glass of wine to deal with us. #overheard
CW 1: You not liking greasy food? That’s a shock.
CW 2: Not when I feel like I’m gonna throw up or sh!t myself… or both. #overheard
CW 1: Don’t put stranger’s things in your mouth.
CW 2: I’ve put stranger things. #overheard
I got the big ass back here, smacking it around. #overheard
It’s like a grown man’s kennel. #overheard
He’d put in his ear buds and be in his own little world, not like you, because you are deaf. #overheard
It was so much better when you weren’t here. #overheard
I went so redneck yesterday, I let him go outside in a t-shirt and diaper. #overheard
I don’t like any kind of meat followed by salad. #overheard
See that’s the difference in me and you. You say she’s hot BUT she’s a slut. I say she’s hot AND a slut. #overheard
They are way too comfortable around me. I’m gonna have to set some boundaries. #overheard
CW: You’re not not-nice.
Me: She has her moments. #overheard
Between his first and my first… It woulda been a trainwreck. I’m just being honest. #overheard
There’s gonna be back-end work, but it wont be as intense. #overheard
Oh, you should have seen the fun we had with this girl in college. #overheard
She was a white girl, but if you talked to her on the phone you wouldn’t know it. #overheard
Now he hasn’t accomplished anything with his life yet, but he did move to L.A., so there’s potential. #overheard
Male Coworker: Taylor [Swift] needs more life experiences.
Female Coworker: I wouldn’t date her.
Male Coworker: Hmmmm… #overheard
CW 1: You’d like her if she did heroin.
CW 2: Yeah… She needs to hang out with Tanya Tucker for a weekend. Then she get some real life experience. #overheard
If Taylor can sing “Lost Highway” and mean it then she will have accomplished something. #overheard
There was a few times that I got away with stuff and it makes me want to push more. #overheard
Technically it wasn’t inappropriate, it was just awkward. #overheard
CW: What is [coworkers] lineage? Chinese? Japanese?
Me: Dirty knees. #overheard
Me: That’s prolly true, from what [coworker] says about her anyway.
CW: I think it’s true because of what she says about herself. #overheard
That’s not just bizarre, that’s bizzaro. #overheard
They’ve got something on the bread that makes it good. From what I’ve heard about cocaine, it’s prolly like that. #overheard
It’s kinda gross on the inside and it smells bad. #overheard
I just like the hard one better. #overheard
Well, I don’t care where you put it. #overheard
It’s that borderline smell of is that somebody’s food or body odor? #overheard
Is it considered sexual harassment if I change his wallpaper to a pin-up girl? #overheard
This chair has adopted [coworker’s] personality. #overheard
Nothing makes me happier than when people find that I have put stinky trash in their garbage. #overheard
Dick Trickle is the best name ever. #overheard
She can set this up so it blows all on her face or something. #overheard
You can’t find work safe cat pictures. What kind of sites are you looking at? #overheard
You might as well just drop your pants and touch asses. #overheard
I don’t know how to make crafts. #overheard
I tell ya, I get sh!t done, that’s what I do. #overheard
I need some of that stuff you stick your finger in. #overheard
She asked me to go behind her and look at it. #overheard
Well there should be a little thing hanging there. #overheard
If you drink Bloody Mary’s then you are an alcoholic. #overheard
I don’t mind the shaft. I can do shaft no problem. #overheard
If you want to discuss the trial with me then that’s fine, but I’m done talking about her anus. #overheard
Girls are sposed to look better. #overheard
A nice little miniskirt with her cooch sticking out would have been nice, but that’s just me. #overheard
My nipples aren’t the size of Susan B. Anthony’s. #overheard
That’s too big, I’d choke on it. #overheard
I’m gonna sh!t my brains out in an alley or one of these God-awful bathrooms, preferably the alley. #overheard
A lack of sauce shows confidence in your meat. #overheard
What bitch? I’m drunk. #overheard
I wish I had diarrhea everyday. #overheard
Sometimes living with you is a danger to my health. #overheard