Things I Have Overheard Pt X

It’s funny how something as simple as my Things I Have #Overheard has taken off, and by taken off I mean I had three people ask me if this week’s edition had been released.

I normally try to release them on Sunday night, but it didn’t happen this week since yesterday was Father’s Day and I was working on my post about eating at The Checkered Cow.

I’ve even had friends on Facebook post things they have #overheard at work, at home or anyplace else for that matter.

Like I’ve told some of my friends, there are plenty of awesome conversations going on all around you at all times, many of which are even funnier when taken out of context.

Case in point, one day Tammy asked me about all of the sexual conversations because of the #overheard comments I had posted. They all sounded horrible when posted without anything else, which is the case for the majority of everything #overheard.

Now that Facebook has started using has hashtags, previously known as the number sign (#), people can start tagging their posts and they will be searchable by anyone in the Facebook community.

#overheard

So, don’t be afraid to post some #overheard’s of your own on Facebook. Remember to use the hashtag (#), as well as tagging me in the post. I don’t want to miss anything.

Now, without any further delay, and so people at work will get off my back, here is this weeks Things I Have Overheard.

I left the vagina for you. #overheard

I feel more like a rock star when I’m using a chainsaw than any other time. #overheard

I can’t play musical instruments, but I can play a chainsaw with the best of them. #overheard

She said he was OK to come, but I told her no way. #overheard

They’ve gotten progressively worse on naming kids. #overheard

I’m pretty sure that if we ate there [Dyer’s] seven times since I’ve been here then one of us would be dead by now. #overheard

She’s a lot younger than my normal tastes, considering she just turned 21. #overheard

She’s dumb as a box of rocks, however I don’t need help with my homework. #overheard

The bun on that hot dog was pretty stiff. #overheard

It’s not going to kill you instantly. Trust me, I tried one. #overheard

I can do way more situps than pushups. #overheard

He was pushing three-hundred [pounds] now he’s much closer to two [hundred]… (pause) fifty. #overheard

He needs to stay bowed up if he’s working at a prison. #overheard

CW 1: Did i give it to you?
CW 2: Yea, you gave it to me. #overheard

I do remember from Middle School P.E. that you’re not sposed to just stop after you’ve been running. #overheard

I liked Sloppy Joe’s (pause) when we were poor. #overheard

Being a motivational speaker means I can’t do anything else in life. #overheard

Ohhhh… it sucked it back up in there. #overheard

Looks like I got a big ol’ black muff. #overheard

I can’t stick my fingers in there without messing your sh!t up. #overheard

You’d be good at sucking d!ck if you sucked that hard. #overheard

Just out of spite I drank two cups of coffee and I was asleep in 20 minutes. #overheard

You ever seen midget porn? Those bastards go to town. #overheard

My meat’s all hanging out. #overheard

If I’m gonna eat a pickle then I want the whole thing. #overheard

I hope mine goes out as fast as it went in. #overheard

Sometimes the imagination is better than real life. #overheard

Why can’t you just do two girls? #overheard

She only does black guys, black seals. #overheard

Whatever happened to use your words, not your feet? F^cker! #overheard

Ooooh! He looks healthy! How long was he? #overheard

If there’s a place in Arkansas that’s cool to be then that’s it. #overheard

Can you do anything to fill that gap? #overheard

They wanna man on it? #overheard

He wouldn’t want to put his stuff on there for everyone to comment on. #overheard

If people could actually feel it, I think it would be a selling point. #overheard

Just putting something there as a starting point. #overheard

I tried to sneak up on it with the water hose, but it didn’t work. #overheard

Don’t gimme no diabeetus candy. #overheard

I’m prolly not gonna eat a Target hot dog. Not unless the world is ending and there’s nothing left. #overheard

Boats are for Cubans. #overheard

Once it comes out of the pooper he doesn’t want it, but while if it’s still processing the poop he’s OK with eating it. #overheard

I don’t understand how things get to be politically incorrect. How can it be incorrect if it’s the truth? #overheard

Today’s my anniversary so we’re gonna go out for fried stuff tonight. #overheard

He does not look like a fisher. #overheard

Is this actually the way it comes? #overheard

For the moment I’m gonna get back to my box. #overheard

We should have a contest to see who’s best at gnawing on a bone. #overheard

You wanna play with that? I mean, do you want me to play with that? #overheard

It’s not the fat, redneck, f^cks, the guys that are on the radio. #overheard

We had dueling farts going on over there. #overheard

A dentist ain’t gonna knock you out. #overheard

Eventually I’m going to be trained, like a rat or something, so when I hear the alarm I’m gonna start looking for the remote. #overheard

Me: Where’d I put my sausage?
Tammy: I dunno. I thought you but it in there. #overheard

I don’t know if I want you to be 300 pounds. #overheard

I don’t have a life and I’ve owned like a hundred cars. #overheard

Actually excessive talking between the two of us has never been a problem. #overheard

You’ve noticed that I don’t create conversation very well. #overheard

If someone asks me how my day was, I can’t really create a conversation out of that. #overheard

I like the buns and yes, the bun are worth mentioning. #overheard

The Young Avenue Deli guy was pretty proud of his buns. He made me smell them. #overheard

Lemme see your pepperoni’s. I know you’ve got some big ol’ pepperoni’s. #overheard

I’m worried that if I start eating at food trucks then I’ll start liking PBR beer too. #overheard

I’m gonna take care of myself using nothing but my bare hands. #overheard

Did I ever tell you about the time my school burned down. #overheard

I didn’t get to miss any school because I went to Space Camp. #overheard

A lot of people went to Space Camp. For people my age it was kinda the thing. #overheard

I’ll open it up and pose it for you. #overheard

A wait this long is enough to dissuade me from coming. #overheard

That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen. #overheard

You said pinkie? I thought you said pee-pee. #overheard

Man, this sucker’s huge. #overheard

If it ain’t Coors Light then it’s fancy. #overheard

I could use me some of that. #overheard

I’m partial to little boys. #overheard

See? It looks better bigger. #overheard

You dumb b!tch! #overheard

This is where I wish I had a taser. #overheard

Thanks for showing how stupid I am… to the world!! #overheard

I know, it takes so long just to get it up. #overheard

Looks like you could stick a finger in the back of it. #overheard

That’s a Lesbian Mobile. #overheard

The last place I want to be in on a lake in Mississippi and get bacteria in my pee-hole. #overheard

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