For the first time in I don’t know how long I was able to spend the 4th of July with my family. I was busy manning the grill, which I know cost me some good #overheard moments.

But I more than made up for it with a Sunday night visit to our favorite neighborhood watering hole. There was a party of six sitting on the balcony that ran up a $500 tab and I didn’t see them actually EAT anything. They were good entertainment for us and provided some interesting #overheards too.

They were so wasted that the police who had stopped in to eat wouldn’t let them leave. They eventually got a ride to their next destination in a pink and cream Chrysler 300 from someone who was sitting on the patio with them.

They left in pretty bad shape and I can only image they felt even worse this morning.

This week’s edition of Things I Have Overheard.

You usually have your head in the bucket by now. #overheard

I can put away some movie popcorn. #overheard

I was hoping that they were good contributors to society, but when I left at 8:20 this morning
all three of their cars were still there. #overheard

I’m gonna steal some of their mail so I can figure out what his name is. #overheard

See, if I gotta talk to you then I’m not gonna do it. #overheard

It’s a little too pink for me #overheard

You might as well just call them “cheese turds.” #overheard

I can’t think of a word that ends with “–urd” that sounds good. #overheard

Cocaine couldn’t get me up to his level (pause), I don’t think. #overheard

I’ll drink ’em broke. #overheard

It sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher being angry. #overheard

I know it’s a little dark in some places. #overheard

I never needed a vibrator. #overheard

CW 1: Today I’m almost to the point of being tired of getting up.
CW 2: Welcome to my world. #overheard

He got the butthurt. #overheard

I’m going to Florida in a month and I want to be shredded. #overheard

I don’t sit around the house and drink a ton, unless I’m on a mission. #overheard

I just don’t like those nubs. #overheard

I’m the star of your posts. #overheard

Guys that wear their hair like that you always think they are good at something. #overheard

I’m gonna punch you in the buhhole. #overheard

You are annoying enough on Twitter, why would I want to talk to you. #overheard

You can’t flake out on getting hobo drunk. #overheard

I think about doing a wolf, just to get some attention. #overheard

Are your favorites something I should stay out of? #overheard

I bought this (Hot Wheel) and hid it in my sock drawer. #overheard

I couldn’t help but notice your arms are all ripped up. Are you getting shredded? #overheard

I’ve got a big lump on my head. I think my brain’s getting bigger. I just got a little freaked out. #overheard

My tits can’t speak for me all of the time. #overheard

If you think this is bad, imagine actually living in Japan. #overheard

I need to take a picture of the cornhole. #overheard

Sheewww, something stanks like vagina. #overheard

I don’t have any in my hole. #overheard

I thought it look small to begin with so I just made it bigger. #overheard

The longer it is, the less I have to work at. #overheard

One of her boobs is the size of her body. #overheard

See, now I can see how big it is. #overheard

I thought there was gonna be vaginas falling out everywhere. #overheard

I can’t even get it as deep as his was. #overheard

I just don’t feel right eating a purple vegetable. #overheard

I’m not a stalker, I’m a follower. #overheard

Did you see her boobs? Those things are like softballs and socks. #overheard

It’s a tit-feeling festival. #overheard

All they had on were sunglasses and flip flops. #overheard

They are not that hot. I just like touching their boobs. #overheard

I was man raped. #overheard

I wanna be known as Hairy Buhhole. #overheard

I found this medicine in her cabinet and thought she had herpes so I stopped talking to her. #overheard

Most of the time I can sniff and tell, but this time it was tricky. #overheard