For the first time in I don’t know how long I was able to spend the 4th of July with my family. I was busy manning the grill, which I know cost me some good #overheard moments.
But I more than made up for it with a Sunday night visit to our favorite neighborhood watering hole. There was a party of six sitting on the balcony that ran up a $500 tab and I didn’t see them actually EAT anything. They were good entertainment for us and provided some interesting #overheards too.
They were so wasted that the police who had stopped in to eat wouldn’t let them leave. They eventually got a ride to their next destination in a pink and cream Chrysler 300 from someone who was sitting on the patio with them.
They left in pretty bad shape and I can only image they felt even worse this morning.
This week’s edition of Things I Have Overheard.
You usually have your head in the bucket by now. #overheard
I can put away some movie popcorn. #overheard
I was hoping that they were good contributors to society, but when I left at 8:20 this morning
all three of their cars were still there. #overheard
I’m gonna steal some of their mail so I can figure out what his name is. #overheard
See, if I gotta talk to you then I’m not gonna do it. #overheard
It’s a little too pink for me #overheard
You might as well just call them “cheese turds.” #overheard
I can’t think of a word that ends with “–urd” that sounds good. #overheard
Cocaine couldn’t get me up to his level (pause), I don’t think. #overheard
I’ll drink ’em broke. #overheard
It sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher being angry. #overheard
I know it’s a little dark in some places. #overheard
I never needed a vibrator. #overheard
CW 1: Today I’m almost to the point of being tired of getting up.
CW 2: Welcome to my world. #overheard
He got the butthurt. #overheard
I’m going to Florida in a month and I want to be shredded. #overheard
I don’t sit around the house and drink a ton, unless I’m on a mission. #overheard
I just don’t like those nubs. #overheard
I’m the star of your posts. #overheard
Guys that wear their hair like that you always think they are good at something. #overheard
I’m gonna punch you in the buhhole. #overheard
You are annoying enough on Twitter, why would I want to talk to you. #overheard
You can’t flake out on getting hobo drunk. #overheard
I think about doing a wolf, just to get some attention. #overheard
Are your favorites something I should stay out of? #overheard
I bought this (Hot Wheel) and hid it in my sock drawer. #overheard
I couldn’t help but notice your arms are all ripped up. Are you getting shredded? #overheard
I’ve got a big lump on my head. I think my brain’s getting bigger. I just got a little freaked out. #overheard
My tits can’t speak for me all of the time. #overheard
If you think this is bad, imagine actually living in Japan. #overheard
I need to take a picture of the cornhole. #overheard
Sheewww, something stanks like vagina. #overheard
I don’t have any in my hole. #overheard
I thought it look small to begin with so I just made it bigger. #overheard
The longer it is, the less I have to work at. #overheard
One of her boobs is the size of her body. #overheard
See, now I can see how big it is. #overheard
I thought there was gonna be vaginas falling out everywhere. #overheard
I can’t even get it as deep as his was. #overheard
I just don’t feel right eating a purple vegetable. #overheard
I’m not a stalker, I’m a follower. #overheard
Did you see her boobs? Those things are like softballs and socks. #overheard
It’s a tit-feeling festival. #overheard
All they had on were sunglasses and flip flops. #overheard
They are not that hot. I just like touching their boobs. #overheard
I was man raped. #overheard
I wanna be known as Hairy Buhhole. #overheard
I found this medicine in her cabinet and thought she had herpes so I stopped talking to her. #overheard
Most of the time I can sniff and tell, but this time it was tricky. #overheard
Regarding the last comment – EW.
HAHAHAHA… They were actually talking about a drink. Apparently they used the wrong alcohol in it… 😉
You should really start clarifying things. Perverts like me always assume things in a sexual way.
But that would take the beauty out of your overheard statements.
HAHAHAA… I know, right?
I tell people that 95% of what is #overheard is NOT dirty, but when you take it out of context it sure sounds that way. Especially to pervs like you… and me. HAHAHA
Omg this is killing me! Clearly I had to start from the beginning. I think? You have all those roman numerals in there and I’m on vacation, bro. I’m not trying to think that hard mmmkay? Anywhich, my two faves from this post are: You can’t flake out on getting hobo drunk, and My tits can’t speak for me all of the time. Lookit they’re all gems, but those just spoke to me.