I apologize for missing a week of Things I Have Overheard, but I promise you I was keeping track of things.
Tammy’s Mom and step-Dad can in last weekend and we were busy giving them the nickel tour of Memphis. We took let them try REAL BBQ, not that stuff they call BBQ in Chicagoland, took them to see Graceland and Beale Street and of course included a stop at our local watering hole.
They fit right in with The Crew and before the night was over Tammy’s Mom got tricked into giving one of the regulars a kiss on the lips.
Needless to say their trip to Memphis was a hit and one they won’t soon forget.
Now on to why you are really here, to see all of the Things I Have Overheard.
If somebody said “Do you know who DMX is?” I’d say “Yeah, isn’t that a bicycle?”
It’s be really, really big to get it to fit like that. #overheard
He just snatches up the bone and goes to town. #overheard
Can you not put it inside there with it? #overheard
It’s surprisingly small. #overheard
You’re just lucky I have a load ready to go. #overheard
I could do a foot long if I had to. #overheard
Oh, she’s given me tongue so many times. #overheard
The texture in my mouth makes me want to gag. #overheard
On the way home I almost had another rap figured out in my head, but as I was getting out of my car, a Styrofoam cup full of Mountain Dew busted all over me and my car, so I forgot it. #overheard
You need to be punched in the dick. #overheard
I’m just trying to get you laid and paid. #overheard
I’m pretty sure we’d need shoe polish to go in there. #overheard
I think maybe he had a stroke or something because half of his face was lazy. #overheard
I know I’ve got a big gap there, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do to fill it. #overheard
Don’t let the hairs poking in your mouth turn you off. #overheard
I thought I was gonna have a good day, but I’ve already flipped off 3 people before 8 o’clock. #overheard
I hope he gets Athlete’s Face or something. #overheard
I’ve heard of the “D” part. #overheard
His cube smells like feet. #overheard
I use deodorant at least once a week. #overheard
I used to be on top of people. #overheard
She’s got some ugly friends. They’d prolly not be that bad if they’d just shut their mouths. #overheard
It’s what America’s come to, p^ssies. Big, scaredy cat p^ssies. #overheard
I feel like that’s a weird combo, having a moustache and going to the gym. #overheard
What was I going to say? I can’t remember if it was about porn or cosplay. #overheard
He did the full spray, he didn’t do like a little squirt. #overheard
My ex-wife… she was kinda like spare parts. #overheard
ChristianMingle.com, I didn’t know God used the internet. #overheard
My wife’s friend called last night and said she got colon cancer from anal sex. So any hope I had of ever getting back there just went out the window. #overheard