Things I Have Overheard Pt XVI

I apologize for missing a week of Things I Have Overheard, but I promise you I was keeping track of things.

Tammy’s Mom and step-Dad meet part of The Crew last Friday night.

Tammy’s Mom and step-Dad meet part of The Crew last Friday night.

Tammy’s Mom and step-Dad can in last weekend and we were busy giving them the nickel tour of Memphis. We took let them try REAL BBQ, not that stuff they call BBQ in Chicagoland, took them to see Graceland and Beale Street and of course included a stop at our local watering hole.

They fit right in with The Crew and before the night was over Tammy’s Mom got tricked into giving one of the regulars a kiss on the lips.

Needless to say their trip to Memphis was a hit and one they won’t soon forget.

Now on to why you are really here, to see all of the Things I Have Overheard.

The rapper or the bicycle?

If somebody said “Do you know who DMX is?” I’d say “Yeah, isn’t that a bicycle?”

It’s be really, really big to get it to fit like that. #overheard

He just snatches up the bone and goes to town. #overheard

Can you not put it inside there with it? #overheard

It’s surprisingly small. #overheard

You’re just lucky I have a load ready to go. #overheard

I could do a foot long if I had to. #overheard

Oh, she’s given me tongue so many times. #overheard

The texture in my mouth makes me want to gag. #overheard

On the way home I almost had another rap figured out in my head, but as I was getting out of my car, a Styrofoam cup full of Mountain Dew busted all over me and my car, so I forgot it. #overheard

You need to be punched in the dick. #overheard

I’m just trying to get you laid and paid. #overheard

I’m pretty sure we’d need shoe polish to go in there. #overheard

I think maybe he had a stroke or something because half of his face was lazy. #overheard

I know I’ve got a big gap there, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do to fill it. #overheard

Don’t let the hairs poking in your mouth turn you off. #overheard

I thought I was gonna have a good day, but I’ve already flipped off 3 people before 8 o’clock. #overheard

I hope he gets Athlete’s Face or something. #overheard

I’ve heard of the “D” part. #overheard

His cube smells like feet. #overheard

I use deodorant at least once a week. #overheard

I used to be on top of people. #overheard

She’s got some ugly friends. They’d prolly not be that bad if they’d just shut their mouths. #overheard

It’s what America’s come to, p^ssies. Big, scaredy cat p^ssies. #overheard

I feel like that’s a weird combo, having a moustache and going to the gym. #overheard

What was I going to say? I can’t remember if it was about porn or cosplay. #overheard

He did the full spray, he didn’t do like a little squirt. #overheard

My ex-wife… she was kinda like spare parts. #overheard, I didn’t know God used the internet. #overheard

My wife’s friend called last night and said she got colon cancer from anal sex. So any hope I had of ever getting back there just went out the window. #overheard

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11 Responses to Things I Have Overheard Pt XVI

  1. good2begone says:

    Always my favorite post of the week!

  2. The things that come out of people’s mouths. Hella funny!!

  3. rheath40 says:

    I don’t know how many times I’ve said you need to be punched in the dick. To my own adult son. Giggle.

  4. mollytopia says:

    We all need hip boots for this one hahaha. Winner (because you asked me to be the judge remember? No? Well anyway): I hope he gets Athlete’s Face or something. But seriously, I must know where you hear all this stuff….

    • JWo says:

      The majority of my #overheard moments come from coworkers. I just leave an email draft open on my computer and write down stuff that I hear.

      I even have “ears” in another room (also part of our department) and people also send me things they hear there as well.

      98.9% of the time the comments do NOT mean what it appears, but that’s also what makes them so damn funny.

      The girl that sits next to me has learned to catch herself when she’s talking and will correct herself mid-sentence. She’s one of the few who does NOT like making the list. HAHAHA…

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