My coworkers are definitely on to my Things I Have Overheard posts. Not just in that they know about my blog, but they also seem to be choosing their words a little more carefully around me.

I’ve had people stop in mid-sentence to change how they were going to say something because they knew it would sound bad taken out of context, and therefore be a perfect #overheard moment.

That’s also why I’ve gone from posting weekly updates of Things I Have Overheard.

Shame on them.

I don’t know what was “special needs” ’bout that guy, that’s how I shoot my baskets too. #overheard

The rod I’m writing about is thicker, stiffer and stronger than smaller versions. #overheard

It’s not a drunk sorority girl, you don’t have to fill every hole. #overheard

There is absolutely nothing in Ethiopia that I want, including the food. #overheard

In November we will become real men. #overheard

If you pull it out, that’s what it will look like. #overheard

Oh, he is 100% boy. #overheard

It’s not every day you get to read the words “retard control.” #overheard

You can screw me a lot faster than I can screw you. #overheard

You shoulda seen how many levels I passed today at work. #overheard

It was like the biggest one I’ve ever seen, that’s why I grabbed it. #overheard

I’m not a Godd@mn wizard. #overheard

It’s not like I’m killing Jews or anything. #overheard

Guess she didn’t get any lovin’.

If I’m not getting any lovin’ then I’m gonna get some Taco Bell. #overheard

If you don’t wear underwear enough your vagina will sag. #overheard

Cleveland is a factory of sadness. #overheard

It was loose to start with. #overheard

What was that fat b!tch saying? #overheard

I was hoping that was his teeth that fell out. #overheard

CW 1: It can come off a little gay at first, but if you just get past it, it’ll be OK.
CW 2: My body is ready. #overheard

I’d love to see it. Oh, you’ve got it up? #overheard

I helps a lot that they are cute, because if they were ugly I wouldn’t want to look at them. #overheard

Here, you’re gonna have to hold this. I apologize in advance for the sweaty crotch. #overheard

Happy people write shitty country music about their kids. #overheard

He thinks about Subway the way I think about titties. #overheard

The box, I guess, will just work it’s self out if I play with it. #overheard

According to Ninja Turtles, it used to be a pretty popular pizza topping. #overheard

I hate to admit it, but there are more stupid people down here. #overheard

That’s 7.5 inches right there. #overheard

Don’t give it to her, she’s fat enough. #overheard

I can drink, I’m just not good at it, I’m part Asian. #overheard

That night was awesome, right up until the time I went to jail. #overheard