I’ve been sitting on a lot of my overheard moments for the past month, partially because I didn’t want to have a “fun-sized” one in what is the 20th post of Things I Have Overheard.
But also because Tammy and I have been busy. I was a judge at Best Memphis Burger Fest and Battledish: Memphis, updated my Food Bucket List, ate at Flight, had some unusual Mac & Cheese that Tammy made and visited some friends in Little Rock.
Oh and let’s not forget the Late Night Bad Decisions we had recently, although I’m sure Tammy would like for that to happen.
Anyway, enough self promotion. Here is the 20th version of Things I Have Overheard.
I’m ADD, I don’t know that I can drag race for more than 20 seconds. #overheard
Tammy: What’s that?
Me: It means “I love you” in Spanish. #overheard
I snapped at him earlier. He’s been getting pounded from all sides today, like a drunk slut. #overheard
Did you get a haircut? Your head looks different. #overheard
Ewww, I don’t like Chinese food. I like Japanese though. #overheard
I’ve got something to fill the gap. #overheard
I be rubbin’ up on yo booty everyday. #overheard
I have to tuck it in and pull it out because it hangs so low. #overheard
Ehh, that’s too short. #overheard
I’d prefer more than one if that’s do-able. I’d be OK with two of them. #overheard
CW 1: There’s a lot of things I’d do different if all my bills were paid.
CW 2: I wouldn’t wear pants. #overheard
I’m willing to try it if anyone wants to give me some. #overheard
CW 1: What do hookers do when it rains?
CW 2: Handstands.
CW 1: * undecipherable groans of disgust * #overheard
Swallowing’s what you do to get a man, not keep a man. #overheard
Me: You sure are being ornery this morning.
Tammy: Ornery? I cleaned the stove. #overheard
It’s OK to be excited, just don’t be stupid. I know how you sometimes confuse the two. #overheard
I’m just trying to think if I could swallow it… if I had to. #overheard
It’s OK, I don’t mind if you suck on it with lipstick. #overheard
My wife packed some nuts in my deal. #overheard
With that one there might be some leakage on the face. #overheard
This is too big to have a ball that size. #overheard
Sticky stuff got all over one of the pushrods. #overheard
Oh, wow… that’s bigger than I thought it was going to be. #overheard
I refuse to do things that require paper in the bathrooms here. #overheard
Long-term I’m gonna be great at the worm. I need a good time to debut my skills. #overheard
The girl’s hand on it was huge, made it look that big <hand gesture>. #overheard
A lot of people said Happy Birthday to me today, most of which I wouldn’t do the same for. #overheard
You think I can stick this up there? #overheard
CW 1: The little girl inside me was screaming.
CW 2: I don’t have a little girl inside me. #overheard
We saw one guy with his meat tube out. #overheard
You can push yourself to do that, but you can’t even be nice. #overheard
Oh don’t get up, just take it. #overheard
That’s gross, especially because I can see your balls. #overheard
Awesome, that’s a lot bigger than I thought it would be. #overheard
I swear to bajesus if Forte gets hurt I will pull my tits off. #overheard
I’ve been in the work environment for 35 years. I could be taking a shit and look busy. #overheard
He pulled it out and it seemed OK, so he yanked the one out next to it. #overheard
[Coworker] said I had Tourette’s earlier. #overheard
These are the best nuts I’ve ever had. #overheard
Not all Gingers are pretty. #overheard
I have surprising capacity for my size. #overheard
I wouldn’t mind fingering it to see if it felt any different. #overheard
If fingering while getting a handjob wasn’t cheating, I’d give it a go. #overheard
It’s a good size, it’s 11. #overheard
There’s no real dinosaur in dinosaur chicken nuggets. #overheard
Did you say you were half Jewish? #overheard
I’m kinda scared to shake that old one. #overheard
He’s so fucked up he can’t even talk. #overheard
She laughed and said it was against her religion to drink. I said, “Yep, I will never be a part of your religion.” #overheard
You don’t want your kids to mistake your titties for your knees. #overheard
It ends in a “-gist” so he’s a scientist. #overheard
I don’t really like Bon Jovi, he’s too soft. #overheard
To be honest with you I was a little cold this morning and my nipples were showing through my shirt, so I wanted to cover that up. #overheard
I haven’t had a shower since yesterday and you just got shit on by a turtle. #overheard
Just give me the “Coors Light” of pot. #overheard
I’m a cookie connoisseur. I can sniff ’em out. #overheard
Once we did go to Joe’s CrapShack and [female name] got them to sing HB to me. I allowed it. We were still dating and knew I had to play along to get poon. #overheard
If I’m still here and not married at 35, you can put me on FarmersOnly.com. #overheard
Sorry, I didn’t mean to slap you in the face with that. #overheard
I can’t get any bigger than that. #overheard
People kept trying to jam things in yesterday that she couldn’t keep up with. #overheard
There’s been more than one time where I’ve been puked on by more than one person at the same time. #overheard
I was just gonna let him do whatever he wanted to do with it. #overheard
CW 1: What’s the dimensions of it?
CW 2: Long & huge. #overheard
If you are ever trying to get on the right side of a fatty, bring cookies and brownies. #overheard
If you start to choke just relax your throat and you can take it all the way down. #overheard