Good Ol’ Johnny Clean Ace

Everybody has stories they have heard that will forever be stuck in their memory banks. It could be because they were so funny, gross or shocking that you aren’t able to not recall the details.

I wrote about one such story back in 2012 (There Goes the Neighborhood) and today I’m going to share another one.

Someone who used to work with Tammy told us this story and it’s a combination of funny, gross and scary.

In order to protect the innocent, I’ll call him Johnny.

Tammy, Johnny and I were all sitting around talking one night when the subject took an unexpected turn.

Johnny: Have you ever had a Clean Ace?
Me: Um, I don’t think so. Is that something to do with cards?
Johnny: (laughing) Nooo. A Clean Ace is when you take a dump and you know you don’t even have to wipe, so you just get up and go about your business.

At this point I could feel my mouth was wide open as my eyes searched his face and body reactions to see if he was kidding.

Me: (still reeling from his announcement) What?
Johnny: You know, a Clean Ace. There’s no point in even wiping so you just get up.
Me: Is that even possible?
Johnny: Of course it is man.
Me: So you just get up and leave?
Johnny: Yeah.
Me: Without even checking?
Johnny: Yup.
Me: I don’t think I could do that. I’d have to check. Is it still a Clean Ace if you check?
Johnny: Nope. You gotta just pull it up and go.
Me: I’m not sure I want to gamble on it like that. That’s too risky for my blood.
Johnny: (laughing) Yeah, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. You should try it.

Doing their best to make Clean Aces possible.

It might come as a surprise to you that Clean Ace Johnny is actually married AND has children.

Just imagine the look on his wife’s face when she did the laundry.

Wife: You lost again Johnny.

I’m pretty sure it’s a safe to say that Johnny didn’t have nearly as many Clean Aces as he thought he did.

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1 Response to Good Ol’ Johnny Clean Ace

  1. Ha! My 6 year old got up the other day and said, “I love that! When you don’t even have to wipe. [pause]…but I checked anyway mom.”

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