The last few weekends have been a little hectic for us, especially with me prepping my moustache for Movember, so I decided to hold off on posting a new Things I Have Overheard.

Then I had several co-workers, one in particular, asking me when the new one was coming out. He likes to figure out who said what in the workplace and count how many times he made the list. So since he’s already asked me multiple times I figured I better get to work.

So in order to get my co-worker off my back, at least for a few weeks anyway, I present to you my most recent Things I Have Overheard.

It’s black, it’s big. #overheard

It pops up when you do that. #overheard

If there’s a spelling error on my tombstone I’m gonna be pissed. #overheard

I so hope that’s not a misspelling.

Who’s thing is that? #overheard

I never could swaddle like them. #overheard

I love touching things. Every time I see stuff I touch it. #overheard

It was only like 2 inches long and a fleshy, nude color. #overheard

I can not pee with Sparks in a bunny suit staring at me. #overheard

Everyone loves the new black one, even though it’s smaller. #overheard

What were YOU thinking?

I can learn to like a lot of things if they are free. #overheard

It’s too short now. It just barely will go in. #overheard

I don’t think it’s wrong if it sticks out. #overheard

I don’t think it hurts to leave it in both places. #overheard

CW #1: It just hits you in the face.
CW #2: It’s like you’re swallowing it. #overheard

Make sure you get it in there as tight as you can. #overheard

Have you seen my box? #overheard

I’ve got one coming from this direction and one coming from that direction. #overheard

I know that feeling.

That big thing is the same price as that little thing? #overheard

It’s close to my buhhole, like, I would not fart right now. #overheard

I know it slides right in there. #overheard

You gotta have a guy who puts it where you want it. #overheard

The only thing old now is the wood. #overheard

[Coworker] is over here fingering everything. #overheard

C’mon now…

I gotta see how big it is first. #overheard

You shouldn’t force it in. #overheard

You had a bunch of guys trying to fill holes that weren’t there. #overheard

It’s not big. #overheard

All I want to do is get it in. That’s all I’m worried about right now.  #overheard

To me, everything is just bigger than it should be. #overheard

Why don’t you finally take a load? #overheard

Your box is a different size that mine. #overheard

It can be as long or as short as you need depending on how you feel once you get into it. #overheard

I could so be a Chinese sweat shop worker. #overheard

CW 1: I was about to ask if you cared for “people going through your drawers?”
CW 2: It depends on the people.
CW 1: I shouldn’t have started this conversation. #overheard

It’s a little big, but not a whole lot. #overheard

For me to dig up a dead body, there would have to be at least half a million dollars worth of jewelry. #overheard

If it’s less that $500K ima be pissed.

I hang out at a lot of graveyards. #Overheard

They’re prolly just wacking it their desks because no one can see them. #overheard

It may stick to that, but it may not be stiff enough. #overheard

I went to Mississippi State, I got me a riding tractor. #overheard

There’s lots of butt talk around the office.

You always talk about doing things in the butt. Or someone else’s butt. #overheard

Do you just put it in there? #overheard

So it can’t take all of that? #overheard

If I was gonna rob some place I’d prolly rob one of those loan places in the hood. #overheard

I’m always hoping the next celebrity death will be Justin Bieber or Kayne West or both. #overheard

It’s surprisingly small. #overheard

Sorry you got some on your shirt. #overheard

I’ve only had to pay for it once. #overheard

I don’t measure my manhood by the length of my beard. #overheard

If I had something a little bigger it would take a little longer. #overheard