My plan was to end 2013 with my final Things I Have Overheard post of the year. It was perfect because I had been sitting on a bunch of #overheard moments through Movember and December.
I was so wrapped up in my Movember efforts that I kept putting it off until the next thing I knew it was 2014 and I still hadn’t posted my ever-growing list.
Well, that ends today.
What follows are a bunch of Things I Have Overheard over the past two months. While it’s a longer list than usual, it’s no where near as long as it should be.
I’m going to try to post this once a month now. Again, I apologize for the delay.
I just feel that this is way more gappy. #overheard
I have one, it’s not very large. #overheard
I can pack more sh!t in there than I know what to do with. #overheard
I can’t handle anything that big. #overheard
I’ll let you know if I come. #overheard
I won six competitions against both my wife and the Jews. #overheard
CW 1: Is it what you expected?
CW 2: It was bigger than I expected. Everybody told me how big it was so I knew it would be big, I just didn’t expect it to be that big. #overheard
It’s never too big. #overheard
I’d rather it be too big than too small. #overheard
CW1: He thinks there’s gonna be an apocalypse so I need a knife?
CW2: You need a knife because you are a man. #overheard
Have y’all seen the stuff we’re playing with now? #overheard
Out of everybody, [he] has prolly touched me most while I was peeing. #overheard
If I’m paying for it, you’re definitely taking it in the butt. #overheard
She’s always struck me as someone who has a penis. #overheard
I find it entertaining to look at myself in the mirror when I have this mustache. #overheard
Dude, I look like a fucking Muppet. #overheard
Have you ever had to whip it out and use it? #overheard
You have a good neck for choking. #overheard
Yeah, we wanna break everything of Tom Brady’s, including his face. #overheard
You’ve got a very odd gap. #overheard
You just have some odd holes down there. #overheard
Is it supposed to be this huge? #overheard
There very well could be a wiener on the front side of that. #overheard
There are certain things my wife won’t let me do because of my mustache. #overheard
Her ears are as big as his head. #overheard
If it doesn’t get me off work then it’s not a holiday. #overheard
I’d hurt myself fantasizing to that. #overheard
Who are you, Tom the Peeper or something? #overheard
You suck on that thing all day long. #overheard
There’s just something so big about the black one. #overheard
I was tightening my butt, see my feet? #overheard
I get it at work and at home. #overheard
You are in that rotten stage of life where you have to be in a thousand weddings. #overheard
I’m coming back here to shoot you first, then I’ve got to shoot two other people. #overheard
I don’t think size will be an issue there. #overheard
CW1: You could use a bigger hammer.
CW2: You use what you got. #overheard
CW1: If i was born a girl I swear I’d be a lipstick lesbian. I’m pretty sure [coworker #2] would be a flannel wearing Lumberjack.
CW3: Yeah, riding a Harley.
CW2: I’m not sure if I should be offended by that or not. #overheard
I’ve never eaten inside a woman’s skirt before. #overheard
He doesn’t come all the time, just every once in a while. #overheard
It wouldn’t go back in straight, so I pulled it out. #overheard
I shake a little bit, but I compensate by moving it side to side. #overheard
I guess I jerked it out too fast, maybe. #overheard
I would NOT want to meet a gymnast in a dark alley. #overheard
CW1: Mine is not big enough to hold…
CW2: How big is it?
CW1: It’s big. #overheard
I wanna give it too her SO bad; it’s so awesome. #overheard
CW1: Would you be OK just sitting in the corner for that?
CW2: No, that I’d like to get close enough to drip a little on. #overheard
CW1: I think that’s what makes her so hot. She looks like a real person.
CW2: A real person I’d like to jizz all over. #overheard
I have to think that if “Annie” did exist today then she probably would be black. #overheard
CW1: Look at the size of this box. Look at it. It scares me. I mean, what am I supposed to do with it?
CW2: I’m scared to come in there. #overheard
I stick it in the way the picture shows but it didn’t work, so I had to flip it over and stick it in again. #overheard
Typically, I can usually tell if something’s too big and won’t fit. #overheard
I’d ask less questions if my own opinion mattered. #overheard
This will be a first, somebody sh!t in the booth. #overheard
He was sucking on that thing really hard the other day. #overheard
His was about this long and about this big around. #overheard
I only look at feet when I go to the bathroom. #overheard
Hey, I could be a midget. I’m glad I’m not because midgets freak me out. #overheard
I was watching him playing with it over there. #overheard
I was thinking they wanted one a little thicker than the last one. #overheard
I think now I wanna call you Unit. #overheard
If wieners tasted like this I’d be a c0cks^cking machine. #overheard
They push these things out to hold them in place. #overheard
CW1: I’m not going to lie to you. I like ’em, but I don’t want to hold one!
CW2: Pu$$y #overheard
I used to think drug stores had drugs in them. #overheard
Male: Is that big enough?
Female: Yeah, I’ll stuff it all in there. #overheard
How non-spherical is that ball!? #overheard
If you hold it in your hand you can feel it getting softer. #overheard
You lasted a lot longer than I did. #overheard
Touch something greasy so they’ll look like man hands. #overheard
It’s not that small actually. #overheard
I just have nothing to grab on to. #overheard
If you’re in a three-way, and you’re bumpin’ canoes, you don’t want to be the guy on the bottom. #overheard
If we were in that position and I did that to you I’d laugh my ass off. #overheard
I don’t know how she got it all in there. #overheard
I’ll post a new Things I Have Overheard in February, but if I had friends like Molly over at Mollytopia.com has then this #overheard thing would write itself each week. Check out what all she heard in ONE NIGHT with some of her friends.