Earlier this afternoon I sat through a coworker talking about how it looked, and sounded, when his two red-eared slider turtles had sex. That was followed by another coworker sending out a YouTube video someone had recorded, at close range, of two turtles having sex.
The first coworker piped up, “It’s amazing how human they sound.”
I could feel my stomach churning at the thought of him making those sounds.
Here’s the Turtle Porn if you’d like to watch it.
About 10 minutes later, the first coworker had left the room and two others started talking about a sexual conversation they had with him last Friday.
Since he never cusses, they asked CW1 if he had ever said “F^CK.”
CW1 replied in his usual dry, monotone voice.
CW1: Yes, sometimes my wife likes it me to say it.
It got worse from there, but I’ll spare you the details, partially because I don’t want to relive them any more than I already have.
I’m a pretty open guy, but the thought of him making turtle sounds while humping and saying the F-word to his wife was a little more than I was prepared to deal with today.