Most days at my work are filled with the normal, run-of-the-mill, type of workplace conversations about projects, events and other coworker bonding topics.
But recently it seems things have gotten a little weird. First there was the turtle-sex conversation (complete with video), then there was the Same Shirt Buddy Incident. Since these things usually happen in threes, I should have seen today’s moment coming.
But I didn’t and it caught me by surprise.
One of my coworkers is pregnant, like about-to-spit-that-thing-out-any-day-pregnant, and she was sitting at her desk when all of a sudden I heard her take a deep breath.
I snapped my neck around with such force that it took a second for my eyes to focus.
Me: Are you OK?
Female Coworker: Yeah, I’m fine.
Me: I heard you deep breathing and I thought, “Oh crap, this is it.”
CW: (laughing) No, not yet.
Me: I was freaking out when I heard you.
CW: It would be funny to see everyone’s reactions if it happened here.
Me: I’d just be like this…
Me: I’d just stare at you, not knowing what to do.
Me: I’d prolly say something like “Do you need plastic bags? I’ve got tons of plastic bags.” (pulling out plastic bags from my desk)
CW: (laughing harder)
Me: Seriously, I wouldn’t have any clue.
CW: (covering her face in laughter)
Me: All I know is that I’d have to yell for HOT WATER, hot water and blankets.
Seriously, that would be the extent of my help. After that she’d be on her own.
If this happened then I’d completely lose it.
Someone would have to pick me off the floor because from what I know, once the water parks is open something is coming down the slide at any moment…
As in seconds away so you better have a catcher’s mitt ready.