The months of June (and July) flew by, which means that summer is one-third almost complete and that it’s time for another installment of Things I Have Overheard.

Once again it appears as if I work in the adult entertainment industry (which I assure you is NOT the case) or that I work with a bunch of heathen, potty-mouthed and dirty-minded people (OK that part is debatable), but most the things I overhear weren’t originally intended as they sound when taken out of context.

Sometimes people on Facebook or the Tweeter ask me what was being discussed when I post some of the overheard moments. I tend to not respond to such requests, because giving you a peek behind the curtain would be disappointing.

For example…

“Can we just do it with the lights off?” isn’t about something dirty. Someone was literally just wondering if something work-related could be done without the lights on.

Knowing the back story kinda takes all of the fun out of it doesn’t it?

It’s much more fun when you take the Things I Have Overheard out of context and let your imagination run wild.

So, with that being said, here are the Things I Have Overheard during June… and July.

As big as I appear, my weight gain is not off track. #overheard

You guys are the reason Columbine happened. #overheard

At least you could push yours out, I don’t have too. #overheard

Is this actual size? #overheard

If you don’t want the whole thing, I’ll just take a quarter of it. #overheard

If it’s serving its purpose and it fits, it really doesn’t matter what shape it is. #overheard

He actually likes the long, skinny part better. #overheard

You just have to keep rubbin’ it #overheard

I was a girl until I came out. #overheard

I’m gonna be eating out, pretty much constantly. #overheard

I like my women like my BBQ; sweet, spicy, and saucy! #overheard

It feels funny in your hands. #overheard

But my lips hurt real bad.

Hell [she] probably doesn’t have anything to hold that in. #overheard

Oh my God, it’s so salty it’s chapping my lips. #overheard

I see it, I hit it. #overheard

That’s small, right? #overheard

I almost got it in. #overheard

I was freaked out to have it done to begin with. #overheard

It’s like just staring me in the eyeball. #overheard

I don’t think I can suck on this the whole way home. #overheard

I’m not used to seeing you coming from that direction. #overheard

Can we just do it with the lights off? #overheard

I do like the tip though. #overheard

You can take it in the car. #overheard

I think it’s gonna be too big. The ones you guys have is much wider. #overheard

I do soft and hard. #overheard

Here, squeeze this. #overheard

He walks like a guy that’s much fatter than he is. #overheard

I don’t like the really big ones. They’re too gushy for me.  #overheard

I just sniffed it, it’s better than putting my hands on it. #overheard

Does that feel big? #overheard

Yeah , it’s getting hot… in the throat. #overheard

It’s cheating if you use someone else’s balls to do it. #overheard

It was sticking out, like a millimeter. #overheard

I was better than TWO black guys. #overheard

I couldn’t get it in my mouth fast enough. #overheard

I’ve got this little gap right there that needs something. #overheard

 Things I Have Overheard in July

I piss next to him three or four times a day. #overheard

I’ve seen a baboon, but I haven’t looked straight up it’s butt. #overheard

I want you to grab it. #overheard

I don’t care to look at it. #overheard

Oh, I’m gonna show it, I think it looks good. #overheard

Obviously, this is the wood. #overheard

You pulled it out?! #overheard

Is that really what one looks like? #overheard

I drastically underestimated the size of this thing. #overheard

I stretched it, I stretched it. But it doesn’t seem stretched. #overheard

That one wasn’t as big as I thought it was gonna be. #overheard

CW1: Well, thanks for letting me touch it.
CW2: You’re welcome. I always let people touch it if they ask. #overheard

When I’ve been drinking, I start talking to black people like they are family. #overheard

I want to paper-cut your throat. #overheard

I guess (name withheld) was servicing him. #overheard

I was smacking his girlfriend’s ass. #overheard

I’d like to see her get a good ride. #overheard

They look HUGE from down here. #overheard

They keep smacking me in the face. #overheard

Person 1: I betcha you throw up.
Person 2: I betcha I won’t. #overheard

You need bigger wood to fill that gap. #overheard

Let me get it up, then I’ll show you. #overheard

It’s large on the front and small on the back. #overheard

The brown is the safety for the pink. #overheard

Would you like to see what my horrible thing looks like? #overheard

That’s pretty rigid right there. #overheard

Is it long enough? #overheard

You could stay on that all day, couldn’t ya? #overheard

What do you do with it? Cram it down its throat? #overheard

OK, fine. I’ll stop… until my next post.