I’ve tried to get into the spirit of “All Hallows Eve” by including Savannah, but for the most part Halloween just isn’t something I do.
Tammy would get excited about seeing all the “little beggars” invading our neighborhood. I just didn’t see the same “cuteness” as she did. One year I even went to great lengths to “black out” the house in hopes of keeping the beggars away only to end up setting off the smoke alarm — not my finest moment.
Despite not being a fan of trick or treaters, Tammy and I often found ourselves wishing we had an adult Halloween party to go to. We went to one during our 15 years in Chicagoland — Tammy was a sexy cop and I was a prisoner in a striped jumpsuit — and we had a blast.
So we were both pretty excited when we got invited to an adult Halloween party this year. All we had to do was figure out what to wear. Simple enough, right?
Tammy quickly went to work scouring the interwebs — the Googles, the Pinterest, and countless dark corners — in search of costumes for us to wear.
She’d sent me links to couples costumes like…
… and I’d send stuff back like…
We eventually decided on going as Jack Daniels and Coke. Tammy bought a red Coke shirt and all I needed was a black Jack Daniels shirt.
I figured that’d be simple enough seeing that Jack Daniels is made in Tennessee, but I was wrong.
None of the stores I went to or called had the shirts. We thought about ordering one, but weren’t sure it’d be here before our party on Friday, Oct. 30.
Tammy was going to “make” one for me by putting the Jack Daniels logo on a black shirt by some magic machine at her office.
That was the plan until I went to Taco Tuesday with some coworkers and told them what we were doing.
Brandon (party host): You won’t win the prize.
Me: That’s fine. I’ll be comfortable.
Brandon: You guys are uninvited.
I told Tammy what Brandon said about our costume and her wheels started churning again.
Tammy: What’s wrong with that costume? What’s the prize anyway?
Me: I don’t know, but I don’t care. Even if it’s $100 I don’t want to spend money on a costume for a chance at winning it.
Tammy: Well I don’t want them thinking our costumes suck.
Me: I’m OK with it.
But apparently Tammy isn’t OK with them sucking, as our Jack and Coke plans have been scrapped and new ideas have been presented.
Tammy: The deer in headlights thing would be fun. I just need lights to put on my boobs.
Me: I don’t have antlers.
Tammy: What about the big boobs thing? What do you think they used for boobs, a pillow?
Me: No… it’s prolly one of those big bouncy balls from Wal-Mart.
Tammy: What would we do for the bra thing?
Me: You’d have to crafts something.
Tammy: Yeah, that’s out.
She then focused on her iPad for a while before throwing out another idea.
Tammy: We could do the “Price is Right” thing. I’ve got plenty of cardboard boxes at work and we could use Duct Tape around the edges. We’d just have to get markers or something to paint inside.
Me: We could use spray paint.
Tammy: Oh yeah.
Me: I’m OK with that.
She wasn’t entirely sold on the idea and kept looking.
Tammy: I could go as a crazy cat lady. I could put curlers in my hair and Beanie Babies on my robe. I’d be so comfortable. But what would you go as, a cat?
Me: We don’t have to go in matching couples costumes.
That was the wrong thing to say.
Tammy: What’s the fun in that?
Me: Well, we wouldn’t have to buy anything.
Tammy: What would you go as then?
Me: I could just go as Burt Reynolds, like I did last year.
Tammy: But you don’t have a mustache.
Me: I can paint one in.
Tammy: I don’t want to do that. I think it’s fun to go as a couple.
Me: OK baby. If that’s what you want to do that’s fine. I’m just trying to make things easier.
She went back to looking.
Tammy: What about the lightening bolt thing?
Me: We could do that.
Tammy: I could use the cardboard boxes from work and it looks like they just cut holes in a shirt and put marker on it to make it look burnt.
Me: That’s easy enough. You can be the lightening bolt.
Tammy: What? Why do I need to be the lightening bolt?
Me: Because if there’s holes in the shirt I’d be more comfortable wearing it. Brandon talked about having a bonfire, so you could wear the bolt outside of your jacket. I’d be fine in the shirt.
Tammy: Well, I CAN’T be the lightening bolt! The boy is sposed to be it.
Tammy: Because that’s what it shows…
Turns out Tammy lives by the saying “if it’s on the internet then it must be true.”
Me: (laughs) OK… I’ll be the lightening bolt. But it’s not going to be THAT big. I want a smaller one to hang around my neck.
For about 30 minutes (give or take) that was our costume.
But Tammy kept looking, which meant nothing was set in stone.
As last I knew, our costume had changed once again and I THINK this time it’s going to stick. It’s a couple-themed costume and Tammy told me she’s been working so I feel as if THIS one might be it… but I won’t really know until late Thursday night.
To keep things a surprise, I’m going to wait to post a picture until it’s finished.
Follow me on social media to see how it looks.