Our Weird, Wet Night with the “Army” and the Crüe

Going to a concert at the Alpine Valley Music Theater in East Troy, Wisconsin, is always a good time because they allow fans to tailgate before the show. But when KISS is one of the bands performing I know the parking lot scene is going to be extra special and Saturday night was no exception.

We (Tammy, Kari and myself) were there to see Mötley Crüe, but the KISS Army in the parking lot provided plenty of entertainment, even though we were parked next to a couple of creepy people.

The Honda Creeper and The Lone Wolf

The Honda Creeper sat in his car from 3:15 until 6:30 p.m.

We got to the venue around 3:15 and made our way to a parking spot. We noticed the grey Honda Accord that pulled in on our left and I thought it was odd that there was only one person in the car.

Tammy: Maybe he’s meeting someone and they told him to get there early for a good tailgating spot.
Me: Maybe.

We had pulled out our little propane grill and threw a few brats on but “The Honda Creeper,” as I affectionately called him, thought it was too close to his car. He let me know when I walked by one time and asked me to move the grill.

I told him it wasn’t as close as he thought it was (he had been looking at it in his passenger side mirror) but that I would move it. It was a minimum of three feet away from his car, but to humor him I moved it a foot closer to our car.

This guy sat in his chair looking at the KISS pictures he had in his binder.

We kept waiting for someone to join The Honda Creeper, or for him to get out of his car but neither of those things happened as he sat in his car for a little over 3 hours.

When he did get out of car, he had a giant pair of noise cancelling headphones, and walked to the back of his car and put his hand on the bumper that was closest to us to see if it was warm due to the proximity of our grill.

We just looked at each other and laughed as he headed toward the entrance.

The other creepy person was parked just in front of The Honda Creeper.

He was there by himself as well and sat flipping through a binder of KISS pictures for most of the afternoon. Every now and then he would get up, look around and sing along to whatever song was being played.

The KISS Army

Theeeey’re heeeeerrreeee…

It wasn’t long before the parking lot started filling up and we got our first glimpses of the KISS Army.

I saw the flag flying from the row behind us and knew we were going to be in for a treat.

I just didn’t know how much of a treat it was going to be.

Even though this is the second time we have been to a KISS concert, this was the first time we experienced the Army in all of it’s pre-concert glory.

This is who was behind us in the parking lot.

“Gene Simmons” does a beer bong from a KISS funnel.

“Gene Simmons” celebrates after finishing the beer bong.

“Gene Simmons” was a little wobbly after the beer bong.

These pajamas scream KISS my ass.

We sat and watched the KISS Army crew “Rock and Roll All Night” and while the fake Gene Simmons was a lot of fun, there was one thing that stuck out in my mind as the most entertaining moment of the parking lot.

At some point the female Gene Simmons (the girl in the gray shirt above) changed from her tailgating attire to her concert gear.

When I first noticed that she had changed clothes I grabbed my camera and ran over to where they were sitting.

She had put on a pair of KISS long john pajamas but had neglected to close the “trap door” and there was no way I could let that go by without snapping a picture.

Fortunately she was more than willing to let me capture the moment for everyone to enjoy.

You’re welcome.

The Freaks Come Out At Night

The Creepy Clown that I had the pleasure of peeing next to.

The KISS Army weren’t the only “interesting” people in the parking lot. Some people made it by our spot without me being able to get my camera out in time, but did snag a few.

The Lot Lizard looked like she should have been on stage with Mötley Crüe.

Porta Potty Humor

After a few beers I found myself needing to “break the seal” and made my way to the line at the porta potties.

I selected the shortest line and settled in when I heard a loud woman’s voice behind me.

Woman: All of you guys before me are gonna be quick right? Cause I gotta go.

I didn’t even fully turn around to look at her when I responded.

Me: Not me. I gotta take a BIG SH!T.
Woman: You’re kidding right?
Me: I wish. I’ve been holding it all morning and I can’t hold it any longer.

At this point I noticed other guys in the line laughing while she tried to determine if I was kidding.

Woman: Please tell me you’re kidding.
Me: I can’t do that. But I’ll try to be quick. It’ll prolly come out real fast.
Woman: Well I guess that’d be OK.
Me: If you want I can leave a little on the seat for you.
Woman: Grosss!! Please don’t do that.
Me: Again I can’t make any promises. It’s prolly gonna come out before I even hit the seat. It’ll be a squat and blow.
Woman: Oh man, I knew I should have gotten in a different line. Can I go in front of you?
Me: No way!! I’m so close there’s no way I can hold it any longer.

It was at the point that I started laughing and she realized I was kidding.

Woman: That’s not funny. I really thought you were gonna take a big dump in there. You’re mean.
Me: That’s not mean. I could have told you to shut up. That would have been mean.

I made my way into the porta potty and took care of business. On my way out I grabbed a handful of toilet paper and offered it to the lady behind me. She didn’t think it was funny but everyone did.

Just in Case

I got back to our spot and Tammy had found something in the bags and was confused since I had packed everything.

She was holding up a blowjob shot glass

Tammy: Ummm, what’s this for?
Me: In case I want one.

She just looked at me and shook her head and I just started laughing.

Me: What???

Kari and Tammy chilling in the parking lot before the concert.

The Homeless Look

Around 6:30 we started loading everything up to make our way to the entrance.

Kari: Are you gonna take your “murse” in? Can I put something in it?
Me: It’s not a murse! It’s a satchel, a backpack.

The girls just laughed as they continued to layer sweatshirts and grab blankets. They had so much stuff with them that they looked like two homeless ladies.

Tammy: Hurry up. We’ve got to go to the bathroom.
Me: Then go. I’ll finish putting everything in the car and I’ll meet you at the bathrooms.

I got there just before it was Kari’s turn to go in so they gave me everything they had in their hands. Now I looked like a homeless person.

A Rare Sighting

I’m pretty sure he drove his tractor to the concert.

We made our way inside and found a spot in the lawn so we could see everything clearly.

As soon as we sat down I spotted what I believe to be one of the few remaining mullets in America.

Although considering we were in Wisconsin I expected to see a LOT more of them.

Take a Walk on the Wild Side

There was an opening act on stage when we got inside. I couldn’t tell you anything about them other than they had a Union Jack and American Flag on stage and that they sounded a little like L.A. Guns (it wasn’t L.A. Guns).

It wasn’t long before the lights went out which caused a loud roar from the crowd. It was time…

The druids let everyone know it was almost time…

Vince Neil and the Crüe came out singing Saints of Los Angeles.

For the first time since 1987, I saw Mötley Crüe take the stage and I could barely control myself. I jumped up and down and screamed out as they played Saints of Los Angeles.

The set list was a mixture of old and new songs that covered their 30+ year career.

Saints of Los Angeles
Wild Side
Shout at the Devil
Same Ol Situation
SEX
Don’t Go Away Mad
Home Sweet Home
Tommy Lee drum solo
Live Wire
Primal Scream
Dr. Feelgood
Girls, Girls, Girls
Mick Mars guitar solo
Kickstart my Heart

While I was so excited to see the Crüe live, I was a little disappointed in Vince Neil because he kept forgetting the lyrics. He would nail the chorus, but he would often forget the verses.

I think that’s why so many different female singers came out on stage to “assist” Vince during the spots he struggled.

But, like Kari said after the concert, it was about reliving our youth. She was right because I felt like I was 17 years old again.

Below are the pictures I took during the concert before it started raining so bad that I had to put the camera away. It ending up raining so hard that we didn’t even stick around to see KISS.

Tommy Lee has a fan, a blonde girl, riding with him during the drum solo.

I would have LOVED to have taken the ride with Tommy Lee, although I prolly would have thrown up on him.

This may be my favorite picture…

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8 Responses to Our Weird, Wet Night with the “Army” and the Crüe

  1. shoes says:

    Awesome! I would have loved to go to that show. Sounds like you had a great time even if the rain drove you away from seeing KISS.

    • JWo says:

      We had a blast… I hated not getting to see KISS again but we were soaked and it was cold.
      The parking lot at Alpine Valley never disappoints. But this time definitely took the cake. haha…

  2. La La says:

    This looks like it was SO awesome. Love the photos. And that mullet. And the fact that you have a murse–it’s definitely a murse.

  3. CaptKitty says:

    I guess you rock and rolled that day and partied all night.
    You should have taken some melted chocolate and rubbed it on the handle of the door to the potty just to watch that woman have a freak attack. The pictures came out really good. Now all you have to do is burn it on a DVD and sell it like chinese people sell bootleg movies.

    • JWo says:

      If I had had some chocolate with me I definitely would have done that. She was very annoying!! haha…

      I took like 200 pictures and considering we were on the lawn I think they came out pretty good. I’ve tweeted some of them out to Nikki and Tommy hoping they would respond. Guess they are too busy doing groupies and stuff… haha…

  4. Pingback: Our Trip to (Bruno) Mars | The Life of J-Wo

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