Things I Have Overheard Part XVII

This past week was unusual in the Bluff City for several different reasons. First, it wasn’t excruciatingly hot, with highs in the mid-80s (instead of around 100º) and second it was Elvis Week.

Downtown Memphis is covered with tons of Elvis fans and impersonators and everywhere you turn there are reminders of the King. From the specials Elvis concert and movie showings at the Orpheum downtown to the candlelight vigil held at the gates for Graceland, there is literally something for everyone.

Somehow Tammy and I forgot about the craziness of Elvis Week and ventured downtown to catch a Memphis Redbirds (minor league baseball) game Saturday afternoon.

I think it was because we saw a rainbow before we left that made me think it was going to be an awesome evening.

This means good things, right?

This means good things, right?

Wrong.

We stood in line for about 30 minutes to exchange our vouchers for tickets but were told all they had left were Standing Room Only. Since neither of us really care for baseball and were only there for the food, we decided to pass.

We decided to head down to the Mississippi River so we could watch the sunset. We walked the four blocks toward the river before realizing we were still half a mile or so away from the park, so we headed back to our car. At least we got to see a “buhhole whore.”

Walking back and getting out of the garage took another 20 minutes but we eventually found out way to Tom Lee Park, found a bench and settled in for the sunset.

JWo_Memphis_Sunset

It was pretty cool watching dark clouds roll over downtown, but we thought the rain was behind us, having driven through some showers on our way to the game.

Storm clouds rolling over The Pyramid and downtown Memphis.

Storm clouds rolling over The Pyramid and downtown Memphis.

Once again we were wrong. We could see the rain starting on the other side of the bridge and could hear it getting closer.

We waited for a few drops to hit around us before bolting to the car and heading back home, wet and hungry.

It might not have been the night we planned, but Tammy and I definitely had a good time.

Plus, it just goes to show that you never know what’s going to happen around you and that you should always be prepared. I was prepared when I caught this week’s edition of Things I Have Overheard.

It was like meat confetti. #overheard

That’s like watching some other dude’s lap dance. #overheard

I’d rather it go in my mouth than on my feet. #overheard

The only Blair I know is from the Fact of Life. #overheard

If I go there it’s always like an act of desperation. I never actually want it to begin with. #overheard

He’s like the modern-day Quagmire. #overheard

Just burped, it tasted like wiener and Starburst. #overheard

If you have enough money to do that then I don’t want to be around you. #overheard

Pull your stuff to the side and leave that bottom gap open. #overheard

I wasn’t trying to crack ’em, I was trying to break ’em. #overheard

Sounds like a homeless person is nearby.

I’d go on TV and say she was a terrible doctor. #overheard

Isn’t that what a craving is? Your body trying to find something it needs? #overheard

When I hear that it makes me think of homeless people. #overheard

You were talking about hoes all morning. #overheard

He was shakin’ them out and I was telling him to stop. #overheard

Did you see my… thing? #overheard

200 people have seen mine, and not a single person has liked it. #overheard

Nothing says you got a little Johnson more than wearing a Big Johnson shirt. #overheard

Yoga makes me fart. #overheard

The pushrod fits between there and rubs it constantly. #overheard

I’m just too lazy to work that hard to get it out. #overheard

That’s bigger than I remember it being. #overheard

That’s not gonna be pretty when it comes out. #overheard

They’re gonna think we murdered somebody here. #overheard

Why chain it up? Nobody can ride it.

I don’t feel poor when the fridge is full. #overheard

The cool thing about a unicycle is nobody’s stealing that bitch. #overheard

He won’t even eat a salad, what makes you think he’d do cocaine? #overheard

I was gonna tell you bye, but you was busy dry humping. #overheard

That’s a lot of meat. #overheard

Oh, it looked big. #overheard

I’m sucking as hard as I can, it’s not working. #overheard

If it’s not hitting the back of your throat, you’re not doing it right. #overheard

All I think is they don’t taste as good as Funyuns, so they are prolly better for me. #overheard

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2 Responses to Things I Have Overheard Part XVII

  1. CaptKitty says:

    By now I think you know which ones I found very funny.

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