Things I Have Overheard – Jan. – Feb. 2014

I never put much thought into February not being a “full month” until I realized Sunday that I was already two days into March.

The last thing I remember was Valentine’s Day and not having to buy a card for Tammy and then, BOOM, it’s March, which means I’m already behind in releasing my latest Things I Have Overheard post.

I’ve also decided to ditch the Roman Numerals in the titles and not just because Mollytopia said they confused her. Not only were they starting to confuse me as well, but I figured it’d be easier to break them down monthly, so that’s what’s happening.

I wouldn’t want one any longer than that. #overheard

It’s a good size, I wouldn’t want it to get any bigger. #overheard

He did say you just gotta suck it down really fast. #overheard

resized_grandma-finds-the-internet-meme-generator-holy-look-at-the-size-of-that-thing-23d5bfI’ve never felt more like a homeless person than when I buy a half-gallon of Canadian Club whiskey. #overheard

Which end is the good end to get into. #overheard

Look at the size of this thing. #overheard

Do the suckers get sucked to your mouth? #overheard

CW1: Did you see where a lady is suing a cruise line because she fell over the railing? (now watching a video) Hey, that is the cruise ship I was on.
CW2:  The odds are that you could not have fallen overboard.  You might have been clotheslined, but not fallen over. #overheard

I just wanted to see how long it is and stuff. #overheard

You could pose her with a dog turd and she’d look good. #overheard

You could be over here all day if you’re gonna shake it like that. #overheard

Give it to MikeySo, how long has it been since the last time it was up? #overheard

SOMEBODY EAT IT!! #overheard

CW1: Let me know if anything comes out.
CW2: You’ll be the first to know. #overheard

The size is right, it’s just the stuff in the middle isn’t right. #overheard

tshirt-iiiIt’s long, but I like it. #overheard

Stereotypically, I think Asians are really cool. #overheard

He got improper meatloaf. #overheard

Men are retarded creatures. #overheard

I wouldn’t come on a Friday if I had a choice. #overheard

I have to use the lowest guard to trim my thing. #overheard

That makes me so stiff I can’t even use it. #overheard

So what is it, 5 1/2, 6″?  Man you weren’t kidding when you said it was small.  #overheard

Come over and get in this thing. #overheard

You don’t need it very long, do ya? #overheard

I love it cold and hard. #overheard

Here, squeeze this. #overheard

The other one is way too long and won’t fit in. #overheard

You’ll see more of the shaft. #overheard

Generally bigger is better. #overheard

I didn’t even have to get it up this morning. #overheard

I don’t care what it looks like, if it’s good I’ll eat the sh!t out of it. #overheard

It doesn’t ask me where to put it, is that normal? #overheard

Gitcha some tien cahns on’na strang. #overheard

Translation for above #overheard.

Spanish with a Southern drawl just doesn’t work. #overheard

We’re planning a trip down to New Orleans soon. When we get down there we’ll have to meet up and do some swappin’. #overheard

I’ve never seen a black one before. #overheard

It’s kinda thick, I’m used to thinner. #overheard

I’m surrounded by dicks #overhead

I was surprised they all fit roughly the same #overheard

Start big and go to the smallest one. That’s when it’s gong to be like figuring out where things are going to go. #overheard

Can you get it up? #overheard

I get so excited I black out on the first night. #overheard

I caught it as soon as it came out. #overheard

He knows exaaaaactly where to put it. #overheard

You could put that anywhere & it’ll work  #overheard

Look forward to seeing Number 2. #overheard

This thing starts vibrating when it turns on. #overheard

This looks way thicker than mine, for sure. #overheard

Yea, actually, he already had me put it in. #overheard

I really thought it was bigger than that. #overheard

Yours was considerably smaller compared to someone else’s. #overheard

Wow, that’s the weirdest looking cat I’ve ever seen. #overheard

Tell her she can get some other fat ass to model this. #overheard

After it swelled up like that I couldn’t really bend it anymore. #overheard

We can always find stuff to fill it. #overheard

It’s a little more than I can handle. #overheard

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