Haven’t Had WHAT in a While?

Sometimes it’s scary how much my wife, Tammy, isn’t surprised by the things I do and say anymore. As I learned last night that also covers what I text.

Tammy had texted our new friends, Not So Mary and Eric, to see if they wanted to get together Wednesday night to watch episode 3 of American Horror Story. We had watched the first episode at their place and it was our turn to host.

Unfortunately they said they had plans Wednesday night, which of course caused concern with Tammy and drew the following text.

Tammy: Are you cheating on us?

Thankfully Tammy’s text didn’t scare Not So Mary off as responded with laughter and suggested us going to get something to eat last night.

I got the following text from Tammy as I was driving home.

Tammy: She said we could go grab something to eat. We could even try the Collierville  Dyers.

I waited until I was at a red light, which I seemed to have hit every one on my way home last night, to respond. I hit the record button and started talking. I said I was fine going out to eat, that I had not had Dyer’s in a while and hit send.

I never heard back from Tammy but since I was almost home I didn’t think much about it. When I walked in I asked what the plans were.

Tammy: I told them you hadn’t had diarrhea in a while so Dyer’s was fine.
Me: You said that?
Tammy: Yeah. They suggested we could go someplace else.
Me: Why? I’m totally fine with us going to Dyer’s. You’re always talking about wanting good burgers and since I’ve been there I figured we could go.

I thought what Tammy told them was funny and figured she must have thought that since Dyer’s is where they deep-fry their burgers in 100-year old grease and she must have remembered me having a bad reaction to it.

I didn’t think much more about it so Tammy and I climbed into her truck and headed to pick them up. On our way there Tammy told me that Not So Mary said she “laughed out loud” over my diarrhea comment.

Me: Why would you say that?
Tammy: That’s what your text said. You said you have not had diarrhea in a while…
Me: I didn’t say that.

Tammy grabbed her phone and started reading.

Tammy: That’s fine with me. If you want to go. I have not had diarrhea in a while and you always are looking for a good burger. hahaha.

She was laughing hysterically by the time she finished reading it. Partially because of what it said, but also because of the look on my face.

Me: I SOOOO didn’t say that. I said “I have not had Dyer’s in a while.” Stupid auto-correct. I didn’t even look at it after I said everything. I just hit send.

Tammy was laughing even harder now.

Tammy: And they think you said you hadn’t had diarrhea in a while.

I didn’t know what was funnier, that my phone had auto-corrected to diarrhea or that Tammy didn’t think anything was wrong with my comment.

At this point we were pulling up in their driveway as Not So Mary and Eric were walking out of the front door. As soon as they got in the car I let them know what had happened.

They all started laughing again.

Eric: I was wondering. It was like, “Hey I haven’t sh!t my pants in a while, so let’s go there.”

We all laughed about it again and headed off to Dyer’s and so far I still haven’t had diarrhea in a while.

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One Response to Haven’t Had WHAT in a While?

  1. CaptKitty says:

    Now, Dyer’s will forever be associated with diarrhea.

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